Episode recap: Who gave Heather a black eye on ‘Real Housewives of SLC’? Heather seems to know, but...

Who gave Heather Gay a black eye on “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City”? She doesn’t know. Or she’s not saying — for reasons that are only hinted at.

Also in the episode, a vengeful Meredith Marks goes after Lisa Barlow, and Lisa says Meredith has been popping pills.

What happened?

The episode begins with Heather texting Jen Shah and asking her to come to her room. Heather takes off her sunglasses, and Jen appears shocked to see her black eye, and scratches and bruises on her right arm.

“What happened?” Jen asks. Heather replies, “I don’t know. … I don’t want to get anyone in trouble, Jen. That’s why I need you to help me figure out if someone wants to talk about what really happened last night. We need to a cover story.” Jen’s first suggestion is that “a spider laid eggs in your eyeball.” In a confessional Jen says, “I don’t understand what the [expletive] happened.”

Heather texts Meredith and asks her to come to her room. Meredith also appears to be shocked. “When did this happen? We were with you until 4 in the morning,” Meredith says. And we get some clarity on the clips in last week’s episode — when Heather opened her door at 4:50 a.m., she let Jen, Meredith and Angie K. in. She later let them out.

Meredith asks Heather if she has scratches on her back in addition to her arm; Heather says she does. Meredith says that rules out Heather having injured herself in a fall. “How did this happen?” Meredith asks. Heather replies, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Meredith says, “You know what happened.” Heather does not respond.

In a confessional, Meredith says, “Oh. My. God. … It seems like she was, you know, physically battered. I don’t know what happened. It’s really scary.”

Whitney bad-mouths Meredith

Whitney tells Lisa that, although she used to accuse her of being a “puppet master” who caused trouble among the Housewives, she’s not decided that Meredith is the real puppet master. “She’s very smart at it,” Whitney says. “She knows how to stir something up, and then she knows that someone else will take it.”

Whitney says that Meredith’s claims that she didn’t start the nasty rumors about Lisa are technically correct, “because she didn’t say it. She alludes and gets … the other person to say it.” In a confessional, Whitney says, “I think that Meredith is seeking revenge and wants to take Lisa down while also trying to look like someone who is not seeking revenge.”

In a confessional of her own, Lisa says, “Meredith holds a grudge. And when Meredith is determined to take you out, there’s nothing that’s going to stop her. And until I’m in the fetal position, wanting to take myself out, she won’t be happy.”

Lisa and Whitney speculate that Meredith is still mad about the hot-mic rant Lisa went on in Season 2, in which she accused Meredith of being a “[expletive] whore” who cheated on her husband and had sex with “half of New York,” among other things.

Everyone learns about the black eye

Heather downplays her injury, and, in a confessional, says, “I don’t want anyone to see me. … I don’t want to answer their questions. I do not want to be here right now.”

Heather tells all the women, “We’re not sure what happened last night, but we know things got a little rough. … I think we all know what happened. I just think we don’t want to talk about it.” She takes off her sunglasses, and Lisa Barlow, Angie Katsanevas, Whitney Rose and Danna Bui-Negrete all look shocked to see her black eye.

The women all ask what happened, and Heather says, “We don’t know.” In a confessional, Lisa points out the inconsistency of Heather’s statements: “Wait, did you get some short-term memory loss with that black eye? … You just said two different things in two seconds.”

Weirdly, Heather says she doesn’t think her black eye is “that noticeable.” Lisa says, “Heather, are you insane? You look like somebody, like, clocked you.” And Heather replies, “Well, maybe somebody did. But they don’t want to talk about it.”

San Diego go-karts

The women rent three-wheeled, two-person go-karts to drive around San Diego. Heather gets in with Lisa. “I picked Lisa Barlow to pair up in the go-kart,” Heather says in a confessional, “because I’m smart. Lisa is going to be talking about herself. She’s not even going to notice if I don’t say one [expletive] word.” And every clip we see of the two of them proves Heather right.

Jen gets in with Danna, taking Danna by surprise. “Jen is very unpredictable,” Danna says in a confessional, “and very hard to talk to. It’s going to be a very long ride.” We do not, however, see any conflicts between them.

Meredith goes with Angie K. Whitney drives by herself, and needs help from a random guy when she gets stuck. She apologizes and thanks him.

Roller-skating

Whitney, Danna and Lisa roller-skate by the beach. Lisa is really good at it; Whitney is pretty good at it; Danna is sort of wobbly. They stop for enormous ice cream cones, and discuss what might have happened to Heather. “She did it to herself or someone did it to her,” Whitney says.

And then Whitney names a suspect. In a confessional, she says, “Honestly, if someone hit her, I would think it was Jen. We all know how toxic their friendship is.” She points out that both Heather and Jen were highly intoxicated, and asks, “What if Heather ticked off Jen and Jen hit her? But why is Heather covering it up? Does she think this is going to be bad for her trial?”

Hmmmmmmm …

(Jen, facing federal fraud charges, has since pleaded guilty. After multiple postponements, she’s scheduled to be sentenced on Jan. 6.)

Danna, continuing her string of dropping truth bombs, tells Lisa that Meredith has been talking about an SEC document that shows Lisa was crowdfunding for one of her businesses and claiming that meant Vida Tequila is in trouble. In a confessional, Lisa says, “This is [expletive]. Meredith is intentionally trying to hurt me. … I know what’s happening here. Meredith is upset that I had the hot mic moment and she’s retaliating. She is trying to disparage my name, my businesses, my marriage, and my family. Sorry, my company isn’t failing. It’s actually thriving.”

And a visibly angry Lisa recalls when Meredith “told me I have mental-health issues. No, I don’t pop pills, bitch. You do.”

Visiting a winery

Heather, Meredith, Jen and Angie K. visit the Espinosa Vineyards. They’re all happy about the wine; Heather is not happy that they are, once again, eating from a charcuterie board. “Can we get a normal meal that requires utensils?” she asks in a confessional.

“Listen,” Meredith says to Heather, “I don’t know what happened, but whatever happened is not OK.” Heather replies, “Just respect that I don’t wanna talk about it now. We’ll talk about it later. And it’s nothing you should worry about. I got it handled.”

Back in a confessional, a producer says, “So you’re not going tell us what happened?” Heather replies, “Well, I can’t. … That’s the game of all of this. Like, I’m not going to say it until somebody else says it. You know what I mean? Like, I’m not going to spew my theories until everybody spews theirs. Like, this is just a game of, like, Texas Hold ’em and nobody is showing their cards.”

Misunderstanding an SEC filing

Jen suggests that perhaps Whitney and Lisa are bonding because Whitney’s husband recently lost his job and Meredith came up with an SEC filing that Lisa was crowdfunding for one of her businesses. “That’s true,” Meredith says.

Except that a lot of what they say is not true. Meredith, Heather and Jen suggest that there’s trouble with Vida Tequila because of the SEC filing, which — according to a page shown onscreen — has nothing to do with Vida. It’s for a separate company, Jack Henry Spirits LLC. (Jack and Henry are the names of Lisa’s sons.) And we’ve known since the series began that Lisa and her husband, John, own multiple companies.

Jen and Meredith question why Lisa would need to crowdfund for $25,000 when, in a previous episode, she said she was richer than any of the other Housewives. (We don’t know why Lisa went that route, but tying it to Vida is just plain wrong.)

On the ride back to the house, Heather, Meredith and Jen try to explain Lisa’s finances to Angie K., despite the fact that they clearly do not know what they’re talking about. “I can’t imagine wanting to crowdfund for any reason at this stage in my life, unless I had no other choice,” Meredith says. And she insists she doesn’t care about Lisa’s finances, even though she’s trying to weaponize her misinformation.

In a confessional, Angie K. says she is “so uncomfortable with Lisa not being here and them talking about her business like she’s doing something shady. There is no way that Lisa is broke. She would not be wearing the brands that she’s wearing, driving the car that she’s driving and living in the home that she is living in today. And if that’s what being broken looks like, I’ll take it.”

And then Meredith proves Lisa’s speculation about her motives was absolutely correct. “I don’t count anyone else’s money,” she says. “But you want to sit there and say, ‘I’m the richest bitch and you can’t afford a home when your husband can’t keep his job.’ [Expletive!]”

The bit about her husband comes directly from Lisa hot mic rant.

The Greek dinner

Angie K., whose parents immigrated to the United States from Greece, hosts a Greek-themed dinner. But before that begins, Lisa tells her she was “shocked” by what Danna told her about Meredith’s off-base business accusations. And Angie K. then spills the beans about what Meredith, Heather and Jen had to say about that earlier that day, including that Meredith said Lisa’s husband, John, doesn’t have a job. Lisa says, “The fact that they’re talking about John is disgusting.”

Heather arrives at the dinner wearing an eyepatch she got from Jen. “Who carries an eye patch in their luggage?” Lisa asks. In a confessional, she says, “I have zero interest in being at this dinner tonight. If it weren’t for Angie putting so much work into it, there’s no way I would be sitting here after hearing what those three have said behind my back.”

At the dinner table, Lisa is clearly angry. “Everyone knows I love an unhinged Lisa Barlow,” Heather says. “So this dinner is going to be great, and I hope I can see it all from my one good eye.”

First up, Angie K. is carried in by a couple of hunks she calls Zeus and Hercules. She gives each of the other women evil-eye necklaces to “ward off negativity or bad thoughts or bad energy.”

Whitney returns to her pot-stirring ways, asking, “Who talked about an SEC filing about Lisa?” Jen, Meredith and Heather are silent. Lisa asks Meredith directly, “Did you talk about me and my businesses?”

Meredith’s response is a lie: “I really haven’t talked about them other than in passing.” And Lisa lays it out clearly: The SEC filing had nothing to do with Vida. “I think it’s funny that you guys all want to chitchat about me,” she says. Meredith snidely replies, “Oh, Lisa. You want to chitchat about everyone else. Please, honey.”

Lisa refers to her hot mic rant as “one bad moment” in their friendship, and when Meredith condescendingly says, “Don’t go there,” Lisa mimics and mocks her.

When Lisa asks Angie K. to confirm what was said earlier in the day, Heather turns on Angie K. “Did she come home from our bus ride and, like, download it all to you? And now that’s why you’re so pissed?” In a confessional, Heather says, “Thank you very much, Angie. K. You think you’re going to endear yourself to Lisa? You think Lisa wants to hear about her $25,000 SEC filing? That’s embarrassing. Pretend you didn’t hear it. Pretend she’s rich. That’s what she likes.”

To be clear, there is no evidence that Lisa doesn’t have plenty of money.

Meredith defends her behavior by pointing out that Lisa questioned her husband’s business in that hot mic rant. Lisa defends herself by saying, “I said something absolutely ridiculous in a rant.” Not for the first time, Meredith says Lisa’s words “endangered the livelihood of his 4,000 employees” — an accusation she has yet to explain. “That is reckless.” But, apparently, misrepresenting an SEC filing Meredith does not understand is not reckless. But it is vengeful.

The two continue to argue, and Meredith says, “You accused me of calling you mentally ill. And that is extraordinarily disgusting to say that I said that, because I did not.” Except that she did say that, more or less. The producers helpfully insert a clip from two months earlier when Meredith said to Lisa, “If you think that this is normal behavior and you don’t want to get help and make changes, then there is no more I can do for you. If you think that you should be getting some help, I’m happy to help you.” Meredith’s obvious insinuation was that Lisa needed some kind of counseling.

And Meredith, who appeared to be BFFs forever with Lisa when the series began, is now saying that Lisa is guilty of “a multitude” of bad things — talking about her behind her back, not calling her when her father was dying, and — this is a new one — “canceling my makeup artist on me at the 11th hour in the height of a global pandemic, when I couldn’t get somebody else. It’s so absurd. Who does that?”

Lisa, however, says it was just the rant. Meredith says it wasn’t a rant, it was “a tirade.” Meredith is clearly unaware that the two words are synonyms. “I cannot believe we’re sitting here arguing about whether it’s a tirade or a rant,” Heather says in a confessional. “It’s like, did you say ‘trash bag whore’ or ‘garbage whore’?”

Back at the table, Whitney asks, “So how do we move forward when everyone remembers it differently, feels differently, knowing that we all love each other?” To be clear, it appears that Meredith and Lisa loathe each other. And they aren’t the only ones fighting.

“We’re a group of women,” Heather says. “We have more in common than we want to admit. At the end of the day, put the petty aside.”

The final word (for now)

A producer says to Heather, “You don’t remember how [the black eye] happened?” Heather replies, “I didn’t say I don’t remember how it happened. I just said I’m not talking about it.” Except that she did actually say that multiple times.

Back at the table, Whitney asks one more time how Heather got a black eye. Heather replies, “If anyone does, like, a secret knock on your door — don’t answer. To be fair, I am still unclear on exactly what happened with my eye.”

The producer asks Heather, “Why do you not want to talk about it? Who are you trying to protect?” After a long pause, Heather replies, “Myself.”

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