“I don’t know what they have to say, it makes no difference anyway, whatever it is, I’m against it. Your proposition may be good, but let’s have one thing understood, whatever it is, I’m against it.”
— Groucho Marx singing in “Horse Feathers.”
“Whatever it is, we’re against it,” should be the battle cry of the Culture Wars “MAGA Right,” otherwise known as the “MEGA Wrong.” They’ve been busy turning everything that used to be common sense into nonsense: vaccines, masks, libraries, American history, even M & M candy.
But this week, the new target of MAGA wrath is, wait for it, kitchen appliances.
Rep. Jim Jordan says it’s now all about “God, Guns, and Gas Stoves.” Personally, I was unaware that God is locked and loaded and cooking with gas. Jockeying for media attention is quintessential culture warrior, Rep. Ronnie Jackson, R-Texas, with his tweet, “If the maniacs in the White House come for my stove, they can pry it from my cold dead hands. COME AND TAKE IT!!”
This gas gauntlet was thrown down by those deep state scientists that believe in, of all things, empirical reality and the scientific method. As I learned in junior high, that’s the thing nerds used, along with Bunsen burners, goggles and lab coats, to bring us modern civilization. Those pointy-headed nerds have discovered things about gas stoves that call into question whether or not God owns one.
For those of you who are fond of an inhabitable climate, know that nerds have discovered high levels of methane coming from these stoves, even when the stoves are turned off. For the climate this is a huge problem. For starters, these fugitive gas stove emissions account for about 15% of total natural gas methane emissions in California. Another study found that 75% of the total emissions from gas stoves and water heaters occur while they are off.
When the burners are on, they spew significant quantities of nitrogen oxides and hazardous air pollutants (HAPs) including the really nasty ones like BTEX (benzene, toluene, ethylbenzene, and xylene) that blanket the air around oil refineries, diesel trucks and fracking sites. The levels measured even exceed EPA’s far too loose standards for outdoor pollution.
Researchers compared what they measured to what you would expect from second-hand tobacco smoke. So in terms that Rep. Jackson, former personal physician to President Trump, can understand, a natural gas stove is like having your pack-a-day smoking uncle, or an idling diesel truck parked in your kitchen.
Even without invoking the scientific method, the average homo sapien might conclude, “Hey, smoking and diesel exhaust are bad, maybe I shouldn’t have that in my house.” Granted, that kind of thinking might force you to forfeit your Tucker Carlson decoder ring.
Natural gas stove pollution has all the health consequences of outdoor air pollution, including increasing your risk of death from COVID. If you are an adult, and determined that being a culture warrior is more important than your health, then see if Rep. Jackson can be your personal physician. But you should probably get a real doctor for your children.
Nitrogen oxides and BTEX are toxic to organ development of children, and we’re talking organs that some people find useful, like the lungs and the brain. Children growing up in a home with a natural gas stove have a 42% higher risk of developing asthma and other respiratory diseases and deteriorated lung function. They demonstrate impaired neuropsychological development and cognition (a leftist elite term for “smarts”), with IQ losses of about 5 points, and double that in more genetically susceptible children.
An editorial in the world’s most prestigious medical journal, The New England Journal of Medicine, published by nerds with the whitest lab coats and thickest goggles, called for removing natural gas from the new appliance market because they are such a health and climate hazard.
I’ve seen how much fun it can be to “own the libs.” Millions of people had lots of fun owning the libs in the intensive care unit or the morgue by not getting vaccinated. But if you put down your gun, turn down Tucker and surrender your gas stove, maybe your kids will grow up to be smart enough to turn the TV to a different channel.
Dr. Brian Moench | president, Utah Physicians for a Healthy Environment
Brian Moench, M.D., Salt Lake City, is president of Utah Physicians for a Healthy Environment.