“He’s not a racist president, and I’m not a racist.”

“I don’t think he’s racist. It’s just the far left trying to do anything they can to stop him.”

— Two Trump supporters at the president’s Columbia, Mo., rally, quoted by The Washington Post

I am frankly insulted you would insinuate that any of my support for President Trump might be in any way tied to racism. Please, I am not racist. I could not be further from being racist if Being Racist were walking down the street minding his own business and I had rapidly crossed the road to avoid him.

It is rude and wrong of people to insinuate that I am racist just because what motivates me to come to the polls are:

1) creepy ads that demonize all immigrants,

2) ominous warnings about The Caravan that Fox News has covered 24/7 in a way that makes me believe invaders are coming for my lake house, or

3) the president shouting the word "NATIONALIST" while my dog whimpers in agony.

The mere fact that what inspires me to vote is the idea that the president wants to dramatically undercut the 14th Amendment doesn't make me racist. At best, it would make me — Golly, what is the word? — racially tinged! Racially charged. Daubed with the faintest racial chiaroscuro.

I'm not racist. I don't care if you're blue, green, purple — you are not welcome in this country. I don't see color. Or rather, I would prefer not to see color.

Just because I really responded to these fearmongering tactics that demonize immigrants does not mean I would respond any less strongly to fearmongering tactics that demonize any other minority group. You can’t know. You can’t. I’m insulted you would imply that.

I am sick of being told this is about race, as the president who announced his candidacy by descending an escalator and demonizing immigrants repeats that The Caravan is "not little angels." I think all these allegations of racism are a distraction from the real problem: people from non-Scandinavian places who want to come to this country.

It is not a problem because I am racist. I just don't want people to come here and be disappointed that we are not as full of dreams and equality as they were led to believe. Really, I am looking out for them.

Anyway, enough of the smears. I just want a campaign about the issues: the nightmare cloud filled with everything that most frightens me that the president insists is sweeping across the country. More ads should be about that.

I want it to be clear, though: You brought this on yourself. Years ago, President Barack Obama said something in what I took to be a sneering or patronizing tone, and I have resented it quietly for the past decade. Not for racist reasons, though, just as I did not want to see his birth certificate for racist reasons. I equally wish to see Hillary Clinton's birth certificate, because I do not believe she was ever born but emerged fully formed from a cauldron filled with cursed Democratic National Committee fundraising emails with plaintive subject lines.

Also, unrelatedly, Oprah has no business in politics. I am sick and tired of being told how to vote by celebrities who have no idea what they are talking about. Leave that to the president.

I want to repeal the 14th Amendment because I think it is unlucky to have an amendment after 13. I respond to this talk of nationalism because we live in a nation definitely and on a globe only maybe. Have you ever seen the curvature of the Earth? I haven’t. Better safe than sorry.

I have a vitriolic distaste for people who do not stand during the national anthem, but that, again, has nothing to do with race. I just love to stand. Stephen King's "The Stand" is my favorite book. Similarly, my support for Steve King has no racial component.

Likewise, when I chant "Build the Wall," it is because I just like walls. It's less of an anti-immigration and more of just a general pro-wall stance. The only thing that Ronald Reagan ever did to disappoint me was to urge Mr. Gorbachev to tear down that wall.

I just want a wall — the bigger, the better — and if it keeps out what I am convinced is a terrifying invasion, so be it! But I am not particular as to where that wall would be. Why, the wall could even be in the middle of the country keeping out White Walkers, for all I care, but unfortunately there is no border there and White Walkers do not exist, so may as well put it by Mexico. I am broad-minded like that.

I am not voting Republican this year because I am racist. It is just that racist appeals resonated with me and motivated me to come to the polls. Totally different.

Alexandra Petri | The Washington Post

Follow Alexandra Petri on Twitter, @petridishes.