Dear readers • Over the past few weeks I’ve received some additional advice for readers from readers. Their takes follow.
On that son who always spends holidays with his in-laws ...
I read your column about the woman who wanted her son and daughter-in-law to spend more holiday time with her. I was just wondering why the woman didn’t ask to come along to her daughter-in-law’s family’s festivities? Her letter made it sound like the daughter-in-law has a big, fun family. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind one more person (or even two, if the son’s sister wanted to come along, too). My family has been holding joint parties and dinners with both my mom’s side and my dad’s side my whole life. Even my cousin’s husband’s father is a frequent guest at Thanksgiving. I’m sure the woman who wrote the letter would enjoy spending time with her son, as well as meeting some great new people who are also technically her in-law family. Just a thought.
And this ...
Maybe mother, sister and grandma could receive an occasional invite to join in with the daughter-in-law’s family? My brother married into a family who was big on holidays and Sunday dinners. Now the tradition continues with his children and grandchildren. My mother was thrilled when she was invited to join in, which was often. We live a few hours away and dropped in for Sunday dinner a few weeks ago. What a treat!
On those rowdy grandkids ...
You asked for other points of view about rowdy grandkids at Sunday dinner, so here’s my two cents: my house, my rules. I get to set the law when my grandkids come over, regardless of whether or not their parents are there. No fighting is one of them. (And no cellphones or electronics at the dinner table either, by the way).
We have a funny memory of a family trip we took, courtesy of Grandma and Grandpa, wherein our two grandkids started squabbling in the rental car. I demanded we stop the car and I ordered the kids out and told them to walk the rest of the 50 yards back to the hotel room. Even their parents sat up straighter and didn’t move. I don’t recall any squabbling on the rest of the trip!
And this ...
So just my two cents on the noisy/fighting grandsons. I totally agree that they should work it out without adult interference; however, I don’t think adults have to hear or witness conflict and resolution. That’s what outdoors is for. Family motto at my house: “If you’re going to fight, go outside and I don’t want to hear about it unless there’s blood and there better be copious amounts of blood and if you’re bleeding, don’t get it on my carpet!” And yes, I know whereof I speak — three boys less than three years apart in age.
On bad behavior at sporting events ...
I read the letter about bad fan behavior with a mixture of embarrassment and knowledge. Embarrassment that I once behaved exactly the same way and knowledge of what it took to change me.
When I heard my grandson, who is an athlete at a local Utah high school and whom I adore, talking about “those parents” with such a look of disgust and disdain, it was like a slap upside the head. I realized how my behavior could embarrass him, not only at his games, but also at other sporting events we attend together. I vowed then and then to never be one of “those” parents (or, in my case, grandparents) again. It changed how I see things and also increased my enjoyment of every event I attend.
Ann Cannon is The Tribune’s advice columnist. Got a question for Ann? Email her at askann@sltrib.com or visit the Ask Ann Cannon page on Facebook.
