Here we go again. Half-a-hundred things bound or not bound to occur during Saturday night’s Utah-BYU football game. (These are just guesses, so nobody freak out, or ... freak out all you want):
1. Utah Athletics Director Mark Harlan will not storm the field, nor call for his own embarrassing postgame press conference in which he derides the Big 12 and declares the game was stolen from him and his Utes. Instead, he’ll invite commissioner Brett Yormark and the entire officiating crew over to his house for a postgame ice cream party.
2. Bear Bachmeier will run for more yards than any Ute player other than one.
3. Devon Dampier will run for more yards than Bear Bachmeier.
4. LJ Martin will run for more yards than either of the QBs.
5. As Martin does so, BYU will use play-action passes to open the backend of Utah’s defense, plays in which Bachmeier has been efficient against other teams.
6. At times, Jay Hill will assign a spy to shadow Dampier, but not so much as to compromise the whole defense. Others will keep their eye on the fleet-footed quarterback, as well.
7. Dampier will still shake loose for multiple big gains, although BYU linebacker Jack Kelly’s hat and pads will leave a few indentations on various Dampier body parts.
(The Salt Lake Tribune) Utah quarterback Devon Dampier, left, and BYU quarterback Bear Bachmeier.
8. Bachmeier will throw an interception.
9. Dampier will throw two.
10. Bachmeier will score a touchdown.
11. Dampier will score two.
12. Most of Dampier’s throws will be to targets within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage.
13. There will be controversial call — oh, no, not again, Mark — against the Utes that will cause Kyle Whittingham’s eyes to bulge and his arms to flail as he spins his body around, corkscrewing into the turf he sweated and bled on some 45 years ago, revealing that the outcome of this game is both professional for and personal to him.
14. Harlan will suffer PTSD on that play.
(Trent Nelson | The Salt Lake Tribune) Brigham Young Cougars wide receiver Chase Roberts (2) as Utah hosts BYU, NCAA football in Salt Lake City on Saturday, Nov. 9, 2024.
15. Chase Roberts will catch a minimum of three passes — maybe more — on third down.
16. Parker Kingston will catch a touchdown pass and stare into the crowd afterward with a no-duh-don’t-doubt-me look.
17. Lander Barton will be Utah’s defensive player of the game.
18. John Henry Daley will sack Bachmeier at least once and get additional tackles for loss.
19. Smith Snowden will score a touchdown.
(Rick Egan | The Salt Lake Tribune) in BYU Cougars head coach Kalani Sitake congratulates his team as they leave field with a 21 point lead in the 4th quarter, football action between the BYU Cougars the West Virginia Mountaineers at Lavell Edwards Stadium in Provo, on, in Friday, Oct. 3, 2025.
20. Kalani Sitake, at some point, will whisper into Snowden’s ear an offer of a million bucks to hit the portal and transfer to BYU.
21. Whittingham, at some point, will actually utter Bear Bachmeier’s name.
22. Whittingham will wear a shirt/sweatshirt two sizes too small for him.
23. BYU corner Evan Johnson will break up a handful of passes and get an interception.
24. Both offenses will attempt trick plays.
25. Will Ferrin will kick two field goals, and maybe even make them.
26. BYU’s defensive linemen will have difficulty putting pressure on Dampier, necessitating Hill to call for extra resources to disrupt and contain the Ute quarterback.
(Chris Samuels | The Salt Lake Tribune) Utah offensive offensive tackle Spencer Fano walks to Rice-Eccles Stadium before Utah plays Texas Tech in Salt Lake City, Saturday, Sept. 20, 2025.
27. The four fistfuls of NFL scouts on hand to evaluate Spencer Fano and Caleb Lomu will repeatedly nod their heads as they are reminded of all the worthwhile reasons they are there.
28. Those scouts will also take note of linebackers Barton, Kelly, Isaiah Glasker, and Johnson and Daley, too.
29. Someone with at least six vowels in his name will make a big play.
30. Glasker will be one of them.
31. Morgan Scalley’s top priority will be to stop the run.
32. Hill’s top priority will be to stop the run.
33. Utah will go ahead and rush for over 200 yards.
(Bethany Baker | The Salt Lake Tribune) Utah Utes running back Wayshawn Parker (1) runs the ball during the game between the Utah Utes and the Arizona State Sun Devils at The University of Utah in Salt Lake City on Saturday, Oct. 11, 2025.
34. BYU will rush for over 200 yards.
35. Facing his old team, Keanu Tanuvasa will be tempted to rip somebody’s head off, but, after penalties called against him in past weeks, he will resist that urge.
36. Utah tight end Dallen Bentley will catch more passes than Ute transfer Carsen Ryan will for BYU.
37. Scalley will confuse the young Bachmeier on a number of plays with his defensive calculus.
38. Fox announcers will marvel that Bachmeier wears the number 47 because that’s what announcers do every game, adding that he has the physical mindset of a) a linebacker or b) a fullback or c) a centaur.
39. Before the game or after it, Whittingham and Sitake will hug on the field.
(Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) Utah Coach Kyle Whittingham on the sidelines as Utah hosts Cal Poly, NCAA football in Salt Lake City on Saturday, Sept. 6, 2025.
40. A personal foul flag on separate occasions will be thrown on a player from each team.
41. Boos will be heard in the crowd and the effects of contraband booze will be seen.
42. Somebody in the stands will get the heave-ho from stadium security.
43. Sitake will say in the postgame, “We have to stay humble and stay hungry.”
44. Other Big 12 teams will be reminded what a real rivalry looks like.
45. Cosmo will pull off some cockamamie stunt that will put his life in danger.
(Trent Nelson | The Salt Lake Tribune) BYU players celebrate with fans as Utah hosts BYU, NCAA football in Salt Lake City on Sunday, Nov. 10, 2024.
46. Utah will pick up more first downs than BYU.
47. BYU will gain more total yards than Utah.
48. A special teams play will blow everyone’s socks off.
49. At game’s end, something weird will happen, somebody will do something stupid, or say something about someone pumping his gas or how much he hates the other guys, he hates everything about ‘em or how when you’re living right on and off the field, magic happens or we never gonna lose to them, they so poo-poo or, yeah, we won this game, someone else stole if from us. Something like that.
50. As is the case every year, more than half of these guesses will be wrong.