Walden: How James Worthy ruined biggest sports weekend ever

I used to love this weekend — THE BIGGEST SPORTS WEEKEND OF THE YEAR!!! — and, being a huge sports fan, I feel like I still ought to.

The problem is, I can't turn off my brain.

Whereas sports used to be a black-and-white proposition, simply about the competition — who's better: you or me? them or us? — there's too much subtext now, too many unignorable shades of gray.

My veneer of innocence was shattered as a child when reports surfaced that one of my favorite athletes, L.A. Lakers forward James Worthy, would not be playing in a game I was going to watch because he'd been arrested for soliciting a prostitute, who was actually an undercover police officer.

The way I perceived sports and athletes hasn't been the same since, and it's only been exacerbated on this, THE BIGGEST SPORTS WEEKEND OF THE YEAR!!!

For instance, I've long loved the NFL draft. At purely face value, it's a bizarre event — tune in for hours of people's names being read aloud and them putting on ballcaps and holding up jerseys!

But it's meant to represent hope. Here is an opportunity for the downtrodden to change their fortunes. And there is a competition — a battle of wits, to steal a term from "The Princess Bride." When it's all over, we find out who is right, and who is dead. Or, at least, who is still not good.

Which is all well and good, except for considering whether to draft young men who have substance abuse issues, who have possibly committed acts of violence, acts of sexual assault. The team I root for drafted a player on Friday who once was accused of rape, though never charged. How am I supposed to feel about that? I find it difficult simply to swallow the team's glowing review of him being the best three-down linebacker in the draft.

Then there's Mayweather-Pacquiao.

I've been a fight fan for most of my life. There's something thrilling about the primal simplicity of this kind of competition. I'll throw my best shots, you throw yours and we'll see who's left standing in the end.

I suppose I could excuse the sanctioned brutality of it by rationalizing that it involved willing participants. If they want to risk lifelong health effects for a few million, that's their choice.

But as much as I have anticipated this matchup for the last half-decade, I can't rationalize putting 99 dollars and 95 cents of my money into the pocket of Floyd Mayweather, considering he is a serial and unrepentant abuser of women.

I feel bad enough having splurged on UFC pay-per-views involving Jon "Bones" Jones, who has followed up a DUI conviction by testing positive for cocaine, and in recent days was stripped of the light-heavyweight title and charged with felony hit-and-run for putting a pregnant woman in the hospital with a broken arm.

I'm not really a horse racing fan, but the Kentucky Derby is exciting enough for a 2-minute event — until I remember the horses that have been put down after suffering leg injuries.

And as for the NBA playoffs … well, let's just say I'm perpetually on James Worthy alert.

ewalden@sltrib.com

Twitter: @esotericwalden