I was talking with a friend, a fervent, faithful follower of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the other day, and he brought up a family member who had disavowed her faith or, more precisely, had traded it in for what she now considered a “more logical” approach to good living.
As he talked, my friend’s words took on a mournful tone. He spoke in a kind of hushed, biblical whisper, as though he had closed the casket on a loved one. He grieved over a deserted testimony, a soul left wandering in a worldly fog. But inside the emotion that seemed like sorrow, he had an attendant sharp-edged complaint. He said this family member had grown critical of what she once believed, what she had been led to believe.
That’s when he dropped in a Latter-day Saint cliche, one that like a lot of cliches from other realms has lingered longer than it should and lingers still. I could see it coming like a blooped, telegraphed pass from a weak-armed quarterback into double coverage. He said: “They can leave the church, but they can’t leave it alone.”
Ba-boom.
I conjured a rapid, erudite, pick-six response, something along the lines of … “Whhaaaaaaaat?”
I’ve heard that little ditty a thousand times, crammed between other old, familiar church standards like “the Spirit will guide you” and “when the prophet speaks, the debate is over.”
These tired tidbits fall somewhere between nonsense and partial truth.
Many of those who leave the church do leave it and leave it alone. They go on their way, a different way, and find their own happiness on a path that could be labeled any number of names, just not “covenant.”
As an example — representative of many others — I know of a family, a husband and a wife with two kids, who were originally married and sealed in a Latter-day Saint temple and who now no longer attend church, no longer wear temple garments, no longer believe the church is God’s one true vessel on Earth, no longer adhere to the church’s dietary code, the Word of Wisdom, enjoying a glass of wine now and again, and they rarely criticize the church other than an occasional beef about the way the LGBTQ community is treated by church leadership and the fact that so many Latter-day Saints support Donald Trump.
Other than that, nothing. The church is 50 miles in their rearview.
My bottom line
A whole lot of former Latter-day Saints are like that.
Yes, there are cases of those who leave the church and come to hate it, who want to beat it like Rocky punching that hanging slab of beef. It happens.
Some of the comments added under this column, no doubt, will substantiate that.
I have close friends I greatly respect, friends I dine and vacation with, who are no longer believers, who have happily ridded themselves of their church membership and have attempted to talk me into doing likewise. They’ve hammered me on the subject over and over, although I never preach to them about what I believe. Never. God bless ’em. If you listened in on some of our conversations, you’d think I was the one who had gone astray, the one who needed saving. Well, I guess I do. We all do. My friends and I have argued a time or two, but I love them, and I’d much rather spend time with them than many of my Latter-day Saint friends.
The bottom line is that, from my religious point of view, extremism in any direction is dangerous and of the devil even more than contention is. I believe in living and letting live. Let people believe and not believe whatever they choose. It’s their life, let them decide for themselves without pressure or coercion from people, be they pastors or priesthood leaders or presidents. Let them be what they feel inspired to be, as long as they hurt nobody and abide by the proper laws of the land.
I know, that’s funny coming from a person who has spent the better part of five decades expressing opinions for a living, presenting a point of view, most of it on sports, some of it on religion, some of it political. And I have to confess, some of the harsh politics of our day, some of the overly authoritative stuff, is not only five freeway exits past anything I’ll ever understand, but it’s also hard for me to absorb how Jesus-loving Americans can support it.
Most divides in our community here in Utah should and could be healed, especially religious ones. I’ll stand and preach on that hill.
Ute fans can ridicule Cougar fans, Cougar fans can blast Ute fans, and Aggie fans (anybody still with the Ags?) can join in that rivalry hubbub, too. Politicos can hash through the issues of the day and wrangle among themselves in the seats of government, same as it ever was. Uh-huh, maybe it’s naive, but, to the loudmouth zealots around here, I’d say get religion out of legislative proceedings. If that sounds hypocritical on my part, so be it. You make it harder for those who don’t believe the exact same way you do to disengage from the divide and debate. It’s not difficult to see why some former and non-Latter-day Saints feel ignored or picked on.
(Illustration by Christopher Cherrington | The Salt Lake Tribune)
Put love first
Church members who are moved to somehow persuade their neighbors to convert, or to “rescue” friends or family members who have moved away from the faith, thinking that it’s their duty to reel folks back in, should love first, and back that up with respect.
It’s not that hard. Shouldn’t be.
Members and former members should get along just fine … because Latter-day Saints, if they understand their own church teachings, know that agency is part of God’s plan. In that theology, it was Satan who wanted to force all souls to follow a designated path. It was Jesus who advocated for all humans to have the freedom to choose, including in matters of belief and behavior. Those former Latter-day Saints who have found a different, better, perhaps even a more decent, respectful route, at least for them, then let that decency and respect shine on those from whom they’ve departed.
Live it or leave it and, either way, let it be.
Everyone around here can live by a loftier cliche in its many forms, one that’s found in Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Confucianism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Humanism, Greek and Roman philosophy, and a hundred other isms and philosophies: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Yeah, we can all agree, that’s pure gold.
(Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) Tribune columnist Gordon Monson.
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