Many former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints talk of “shunning,” “exclusion” and castigation as “followers of Satan.”
Some say, or presume, that comes from the faith’s top leaders, as if there is some kind of directive.
And, yes, some church leaders of the past have been harsh in their descriptions of those who have left the fold. But that is not the message the 17.5 million-member faith is sending to its current followers.
[Read our extensive story about the divide between Latter-day Saints and former members as well as quotes from those on all sides of the split.]
In several essays under the church’s “Topics and Questions” heading, leaders lay out principles for how members can and should treat former members.
The directives urge Latter-day Saints to:
• Speak with love…humility, kindness and sincerity…showing Christlike love.”
• Serve in “meaningful ways.”
• Preserve the relationship with “love and trust.”
• See them “through the Lord’s eyes.”
• Be a “safe source for discussion.”
• Build on “common ground…beliefs and interests” you share.
• Find ways to “do good together.”
• Seek “to understand,” avoid “criticizing them,” and show respect for their position.
• Acknowledge “their experience,” instead of comparing it to your own.
• Avoid being “dismissive or judgmental.”
• Recognize “your own limitations.”
In today’s world, several Latter-day Saint leaders have emphasized these concepts in sermons.
“Do not preach to them. Your family members or friends already know the church’s teachings. They don’t need another lecture,” the the late M. Russell Ballard told students and faculty at a 2017 Brigham Young University devotional. “What they need — what we all need — is love and understanding, not judging. Share your positive experiences of living the gospel.”
In 2019, Reyna Aburto, former second counselor in the women’s worldwide Relief Society presidency, urged members “to increase our compassion, diminish our tendency to judge, and stop being the inspectors of the spirituality of others.”
Indeed, she said in that General Conference speech, “listening with love is one of the greatest gifts we can offer, and we may be able to help carry or lift the heavy clouds that suffocate our loved ones and friends so that, through our love, they can once again feel the Holy Ghost and perceive the light that emanates from Jesus Christ.”
And there is one especially applicable address by the affable and charismatic German apostle, Dieter Uchtdorf, who was at the time a member of the governing First Presidency.
Uchtdorf cautioned the faithful against assuming that some members leave because “they have been offended or lazy or sinful. Actually, it is not that simple. In fact, there is not just one reason that applies to the variety of situations.”
In a church that “honors personal agency so strongly,” he said in 2013, “ …we respect those who honestly search for truth. It may break our hearts when their journey takes them away from the church we love and the truth we have found, but we honor their right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own conscience, just as we claim that privilege for ourselves.”