Latest from Mormon Land: No new temples, a church apology and other (late) April Fools’ Day gags

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Some fake news — for fun

OK, so we’re a couple of days late (call it Mormon Standard Time), but By Common Consent’s look back at memorable Latter-day Saint April Fools’ Day pranks has inspired us to come up with a few of our own.

In that spirit, check out these fun — but fictitious — fake new tidbits:

• President Nelson goes through an entire General Conference without naming any new temples.

After his closing remarks Sunday afternoon, members sit silently in the Conference Center waiting, waiting and waiting for Nelson to rise again and announce new temples in, say, Ophir, Utah, or Opala, Democratic Republic of Congo. Alas, it never happens. Overstretched, overstressed and underappreciated temple architects let out a collective “whew.”

• The church lowers tithing to 5%.

With the church’s rainy day account at Ensign Peak Advisors swimming in dough, the First Presidency unveils the new tithing standard, proclaiming the fulfillment of Malachi’s prophecy and saying it’s OK to partly close the “windows of heaven.”

• Apostle Dallin Oaks apologizes for saying the church never apologizes.

In a lawyerly, extensively footnoted conference address, the former Utah Supreme Court justice walks back his 2015 statement that the faith doesn’t “seek” or “give” apologies, pointing to two precedents: the church’s expressed regrets — termed an apology at the time — for the Mountain Meadows Massacre and for a proxy baptism of the parents of Holocaust survivor Simon Wiesenthal.

• President Nelson grants The Tribune an exemption and embraces use of the “Mormon Land” name.

While maintaining that he’s still no fan of the M-word, the centenarian prophet gives The Tribune a pass and agrees to come on its podcast as proof. (We’re not, of course, holding our breath on this one.)

OK, readers, it’s your turn. What you got?

Your conference week primer

It’s the first week of April, so what springs to mind for Latter-day Saints?

General Conference, of course.

And to help whet readers’ appetites, here are stories and commentaries from our preconference special section:

• Garment countdown: How do devout Latter-day Saint women spell fashion anticipation? S-l-e-e-v-e-l-e-s-s.

• IVF and the plan of salvation: When members turn to science to enact God’s (and their) will.

• Lights, camera, Brigham: On the big screen, all hasn’t been well for the pioneering prophet.

• Home rules: Yes, writes Tribune guest columnist Eli McCann, Latter-day Saint families are forever — different.

• “There shall not be room enough to receive it”: Tithing is a spiritual commandment for members, but an independent analysis shows it soon may no longer be needed to cover the church’s temporal needs.

• Varied visions: Scholar Matthew Bowman explores the four “churches” within the church — and who leads them.

• Ask and ye shall receive: Historian Ardis Parshall recalls when members took their questions, not to ChatGPT, but straight to apostles.

• In tune: Tribune guest columnist Rebbie Brassfield honors a choir director whose quiet life is a symphony of service.

• Saving monks: Commentator Michael O’Brien sees how Latter-day Saint missionaries could help save Catholic monasteries.

Dear Elder Renlund

Apostle Dale Renlund recently stated that leaders were “going to do better” to address gender inequities in the faith.

Well, Candice and Dennis Wendt took that to heart and shared some ideas — short of ordaining women — for doing so in an open letter to Renlund posted on Exponent II. Among their proposals:

• “Significantly” boost the number of female speakers at General Conference. Last October, three of the 34 sermons were delivered by women. “What,” the Wendts ask, “is keeping church leaders from taking this simple step in rectifying this tremendous imbalance?” We’ll see how many women take to the pulpit this weekend.

• Appoint women as clerks, ward mission leaders, Sunday school presidents and other traditionally male volunteer roles. “And why not something like a stake women’s leadership council?” they add, with women “taking turns” in the high council speaking rotation.

• Let women and girls help prepare and pass the sacrament. “We are aware,” the bloggers write, “of no doctrinal or scriptural reason” why they can’t.

• Lose some of the language about “presiding.” How, they wonder, can wives truly be “equal partners” — as described in faith’s family proclamation — if husbands “preside” at home?

The latest ‘Mormon Land’ podcast: Exploring Exponent II

Pulitzer Prize-winning author Laurel Thatcher Ulrich discusses her work with scholarly colleague Claudia Bushman, the early days of Exponent II and the evolution of Latter-day Saint feminism.

Listen to the podcast.

From The Tribune

• Assemblies of God churches are growing in Utah, thanks partly to Latter-day Saints converting to the Pentecostal faith.

• To abide by a new Utah law, the church is taking extra steps to protect kids from sexual abuse.

• The church has submitted plans for a smaller temple, with a shorter spire, to a Texas town in hopes of winning approval to build the proposed McKinney Temple.