Letter: ‘Intentional adoption is ... at least as valid a choice as abortion’

I would like to provide a view on adoption different to the one expressed in the heartfelt and compassionate letter by adoptive father Kevin Lundell.

I’m a birth mother. The day after the Supreme Court draft decision about Roe v. Wade was released, I posted on social media: “We really need to talk about the stigma against placing a baby for adoption.” Responses varied from supportive to questioning whether there really is a stigma. Then an acquaintance, who is herself adopted and now counsels pregnant people, responded in a similar vein to Mr. Lundell: That adoption is never a gift and is always traumatic for both the child and the birthmother, and therefore is actually an inferior choice to abortion.

In the winter of 2010, my birth son’s parents stayed with me in my apartment a few nights before his due date, and were the people I exclaimed to when my water broke in the shower. They drove me to the hospital. We were already friends, because during the previous 9 months, we visited one another’s homes several times. My friends and family celebrated with all three of us at a gender reveal party. His parents were in the room with my mom and brother as I gave birth, and his mom held him right after I did. His dad cut the umbilical cord.

I visit my birth son and his family regularly and we chat every few months. He has known me his entire life, and when he decides to ask me why I chose to find his parents instead of mothering him myself, I will tell him. The creation of human life comes attendant with potential trauma, no matter what follows immediately, 9 months later or for the next 80 plus years. Adoption doesn’t have to be traumatic any more than does an abortion or mothering. Nobody should be coerced into any outcome of pregnancy, by the state or any other institution – not because one outcome or another causes trauma, but because it’s not anybody’s business but the people involved.

I erased my first social media post and replaced it with, “Intentional adoption is akin to surrogacy. It’s at least as valid a choice as abortion.” My position on that isn’t up for debate; I know that is true, and so does my birth son and his parents.

Lara Gale, Ogden

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