I, like a great many Americans, have reached that threshold of life where we are retired, but not yet ready for the scrapheap.

We are the baby boomers, the designated cause of everything that is wrong with America, the reason for the high cost of medical care. We suck up Social Security funds, no longer pay our fair share of income taxes, and don’t have much interest in Twitter, Facebook, cloud computing, nor, God forbid, the Kardashians.

But I would like to serve my country as a United States senator and hereby announce my candidacy for this office. My single platform: “I want the health care package Sen. Mitt Romney has.”

I pledge to do as much work as he has, to bloviate religiously, to pander to the rich and influential, to denigrate the poor, and to spout off as he has about how “giving universal health care to all Americans would bankrupt the country.”

And I will do all this with a straight face, just like Mitt and all the other rich, white Republicans.

Sherman W. Hale, Holladay