Robert Kirby: Impeachment jam on campaign bread

(Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) Robert Kirby

To impeach or not to impeach President Donald J. Trump. That is the question facing many Americans.

I say “many” rather than “all” because not every American is capable of — or interested in — following the proceedings against him.

If you’re confused about the process of presidential impeachment, I can help. It’s fairly straightforward if an appropriate analogy is used.

Impeaching a president is no more complicated than performing a vasectomy via remote control on a crack-addicted rat scurrying about on one of Jupiter’s many moons.

That should give you some idea of the intricacies involved in removing a sitting president. Continuing with the analogy, we are at the point where NASA may have located the actual moon upon which the rat reportedly lives.

“We’re 70% sure we have the right one,” said NASA spokesman John A. Steroid. “But we’ve been wrong before. A lot, frankly.”

So, it’s still going to be awhile before we reach the point of actual impeachment — which brings up an important issue. Namely, that it’s now November. We have barely a year before another presidential election outcome.

Campaigning for 2020 has already begun. The latest count shows the list of those professing serious interest in running for the office stands at 4,952. Eleven have been eliminated after it was determined that they are, in fact, dead.

Qualifications of these candidates range from the actual president (Trump) to former presidential candidates (Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden) and all the way down to some guy driving a garbage truck in New Jersey whose name I forget but plan to vote for regardless of who else tosses a hat (and brain) into the ring.

Electing a new president on Tuesday, Nov. 3, 2020, is just 368 days away. Given that the president’s political enemies have tried to get rid of him for the past three years, that’s not a lot of time.

It’s entirely possible that the impeachment proceeding against Trump will continue during his 2020 campaign for office. In fact, I’d bet on it.

What better way to muddle the voting process than having a candidate running for an office that could be yanked from under him before he even reacquires it. It’s just one more example of how screwed up politics are.

At this point, all we know for sure is that we will elect a president next November. This in no way should make you feel better, even if the candidate you prefer manages to win.

Suppose there was a perfect candidate — smart, gifted, wise, capable of reducing the national debt to an IOU for two bucks. It wouldn’t matter. Even if such a candidate existed, she or he would never be allowed to take office.

I say this because social media has proved that the American electorate is on par with that of a coliseum mob.

Looking forward to the coming presidential campaign is pointless. Whoever wins will deliver another four years of ranting against political enemies while doing little to help the American people.

Hang on. I sense a sliver of possibility in one potential candidate. Maybe — and I don’t want to get your hopes up — NASA can find that rat.

Robert Kirby is The Salt Lake Tribune’s humor columnist. Follow Kirby on Facebook.