Voices: If we’re serious about fixing societal problems, we must turn the spotlight on men

In Utah — a state known for strong family values but ranked last in women’s equality — public debates about declining birth rates often follow a predictable script: blame the economy, feminism, changing family values and women for "opting out." Having volunteered with A Bolder Way Forward and collaborated with the Utah Marriage Commission and other family-focused organizations, I’ve noticed a crucial part of the conversation is missing: men.

For generations, men in power — in politics, religion and law — have shaped societal structures and women’s opportunities. The Comstock Act made birth control and related information illegal, while religious leaders declared its use immoral. These laws and teachings left women with little control over when or how many children they had. Prevailing social norms led many men to expect sexual access from their partners without considering the consequences for women’s bodies and lives. While fluctuating birth rates present challenges, a sustainable future depends on supporting women’s choices and well-being.

With limited options, women have steadily advocated for rights that many now take for granted: the right to vote, to pursue higher education, to open bank accounts, to own property, to access birth control, to earn and keep their wages and for domestic violence to be recognized and addressed by law. These efforts were about more than fairness — they were about safety and freeing women from vulnerabilities tied to dependence on men. Women increasingly pursued university education and joined the workforce. Yet today, men’s college enrollment is declining, and labor force participation has dropped.

Inside households, change has been slower. In all varieties of paid and unpaid work arrangements for couples, women typically perform a disproportionate share of childcare and domestic work. Too many men still regard participation as “helping” rather than part of their role as adults and partners. After the birth of a child, research shows women’s time is increasingly treated as an unlimited resource for others. Men’s time, in contrast, remains more valued and protected for paid work and leisure.

Meanwhile, rates of sexual assault and domestic violence — overwhelmingly perpetrated by men — remain alarmingly high. The widespread use of pornography contributes to normalizing the objectification, commodification, consumption and abuse of women and girls. Beyond that, research shows that, for heterosexual couples, typically male pleasure is prioritized, while female pleasure is minimized in sexual interactions.

Additionally, the healthcare system invests billions annually in erectile dysfunction research and treatment, while conditions affecting women — such as menopause, menstrual disorders and female-specific cancers — receive only a small fraction of funding. Studies document persistent disparities leaving women’s health issues underfunded relative to their impact.

Economic issues compound the problem. The gender pay gap is not just unequal pay for identical work; it reflects biased hiring, promotions barriers for women and career penalties linked to caregiving. More broadly, it represents the overall difference in average earnings between men and women across an economy.

In politics, decision-making remains overwhelmingly male, often producing policies that overlook and undermine women’s opportunities. Patriarchal religious teachings still shape U.S. policy, fueling a growing movement led by powerful figures to repeal the 19th Amendment. Advocating for higher birth rates calls for recognition of pronatalist rhetoric’s historical roots in white supremacist and eugenic ideologies. Many demographers caution against alarmism.

The result is predictable: women — especially single mothers in Utah — are disproportionately represented among those living in poverty, and women overall face greater financial insecurity later in life. This is not simply the outcome of personal choices but of systemic conditions that place more value on men’s labor and autonomy. Even in countries like Iceland, ranked highest for gender equality, women still perform most unpaid domestic work and are expected to be more flexible for others.

There’s also an emotional dimension. Research suggests that men face pressure to fit socially constructed roles — like being stoic, certain, and decisive — that discourage emotional and communication skills. This makes equitable, emotionally supportive partnerships harder to sustain. Yet, instead of exploring how all of these factors shape marriage, parenthood, and careers, many blame feminism, or people stepping outside traditional gender expectations.

Many women are making different choices today because the historical bargain didn’t work out well for their mothers’ and grandmothers’ generations. They are prioritizing healthy, respectful relationships, leaving abusive situations and setting boundaries around disproportionate unpaid labor. These choices should not be treated as a social crisis; they are reasonable responses from people embracing their worth beyond how much they sacrifice for others — a standard long accepted for men but often questioned when women do the same.

If we’re serious about addressing societal challenges, it’s time to turn the spotlight on men — their history, power and choices. That includes asking why men are less motivated to enroll in college and participate in the workforce, why they resist equal domestic and caregiving partnership, why violence against women remains prevalent, and why many male-led institutions continue to disadvantage women. Until we do, our conversations will remain incomplete, and our solutions ineffective.

The future of our collective well-being depends on facing this imbalance honestly. We’ve spent centuries telling women to change, adapt and sacrifice. Now it’s time for men to step up and build a more balanced future.

Lisa Stoddard-Reeves lives in Orem and is pursuing graduate studies at Harvard Extension School and has a certificate in religion and society. She writes about culture and social systems, drawing on historical context and contemporary research to challenge narratives that overlook structural imbalances.

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