I started my period when I was 12 years old. I can recall complaining to my mother about feeling “as if I need to push something out” because I was having tiny contractions. My cramp pain was severe. I was a child. I was confused, scared and in pain.
Adults ignored my concerns, but I wasn’t being dramatic; nor trying to get attention. I was in severe pain, and I would be alone with this pain for nearly 40 years.
My symptoms were severe. For years, each and every month, my period followed a pattern. First, my cramps would start. I’d take 800 mg of ibuprofen and log the time in my period tracker app, so I don’t accidentally take another dose. After two hours, I’d take some Tylenol and log that into my app. I’d spend anywhere from one to two weeks in bed with a heating pad. I struggled with clumsy physical movements and would walk into things. I had extreme confusion — I once used the phrase “noise-canceling window covers” because I couldn’t remember the word “curtains.” I was unable to stand up straight, I got shakiness — even after eating — and extreme dizziness. I couldn’t drive.
I lost many good jobs because of endometriosis. I had to call-out sick for at least two days per month due to debilitating cramps. Employers became annoyed with me after enough sick days, and even the most understanding bosses eventually let me go. All of them suggested that I “sort out my medical troubles.”
I missed out on weddings, birthdays and fun weekends with my daughter and friends. I became the person who agrees to a plan and cancels at the last minute. I was a constant disappointment to everyone and, most of all, I was letting myself down.
Frustrated by my symptoms and lifestyle, I saw numerous gynecologists over the years. I was gaslighted by many of them — some of whom were women. “Everyone gets cramps, you just have to get used to it,” and other insulting remarks became the usual response. I was on my own, and I was angry.
I looked into several potential solutions, including ablation and other similar methods. My doctor and I eventually decided a hysterectomy was my best option in finding relief and avoiding a future cancer diagnosis. In recent months, however, different symptoms have emerged and I’ve had to cancel the procedure.
I wish I hadn’t waited so long to get the procedure, but I’ve learned a lot over the years. It feels so important to me that others who suffer from endometriosis continue to fight and advocate for themselves. If my story feels familiar to you, here’s what I would advise:
Keep track of your cycle.
Buy a notebook or get an app on your phone and start keeping detailed notes about your symptoms. Log dates, times, pain levels, emotions and medications dosages. Be honest, these notes will help both you and your doctor to see any patterns.
Share your experience.
Talk with friends, extended family, teachers and, honestly, anybody that will listen. The more I spoke about it with women — some friends, some total strangers — the more validation, ideas and recommendations for pain relief I found.
Find the right doctor.
Not all doctors are helpful. At 18 years old, several gynecologists suggested I try having a baby because many patients’ cramps lessen after childbirth. Find one who believes you and makes sincere efforts to help. If it helps, bring a friend or family member along to appointments. Record conversations with doctors on your phone or take notes to refer back to.
Don’t wait to seek medical help.
I ended-up waiting too-long, and I missed my chance to do the surgery. I started menopause and canceled surgery. Had I just done this years ago, or even after the birth of my daughter in 1998, I would have spared myself years of pain and frustration.
My life could have been completely, vastly different, but I let anxiety and fear get in the way. Please don’t ignore symptoms and hope you’ll feel better. Get help now, and live the life you want and deserve.
Holly Hansen
Holly B. Hansen is a children’s book author with a love for hiking, photography, writing and singing. As a former preschool teacher, Holly loved working with kids and babies. She grew up in Connecticut and eventually followed her entire family out west to scenic Midway, Utah, in 2003 and has never looked back.
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