They come to my office at the university, tears in their eyes, and tell me they can no longer stay in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They may be gay or transgender students or have friends and family in the LGBTQ+ community.
They tell me they can no longer with honesty be part of a church where the message seems to be God rejects them or their loved ones because of their very identity, that they are not worthy to be full participants in their religious faith because of who they are.
Then there are the fathers and mothers. Parents who trust their religious leaders and also love their children. They are forced to choose between unconditional love for their gay or transgender child or unconditional obedience to the brethren. At least God provided Abraham a ram.
It’s time to end the sacrifice of these innocent and vulnerable young people. We need to stop fighting the culture wars. Our young sons and daughters should not be pawns in political grandstanding or victims of a religious purity test.
In the church, it seems so unnecessary. I cannot speculate on the nature of sex and gender either before or after this life. It is pretty clear, however, that in this life sex and gender are less binary and more fluid than many might think. Even if gender is a part of our eternal identity, the biology of this world is much more complicated. We must respect people as they are now, not as they might be in some future existence. And there are good people who experience their life in this world as transgender individuals and their sexuality as gay.
There seems to be little theological and no moral reasons to say what has sometimes been said from the pulpit of LDS General Conference. It appears that it might be prejudice that holds same-sex couples to a different standard than straight couples and denies them the same opportunities to serve and work in the church. A faithful gay couple should be respected and treated the same as a faithful straight couple. They shouldn’t be barred from full fellowship in the church based solely on being authentic to their gender or sexual orientation.
Being gay isn’t a choice, but a part of one’s essential personhood in this world. Same-sex marriage isn’t an attempt to destroy the family, but to be a family in this world. Being transgender is not to confuse gender, but to come to terms with one’s gender in this world. It is frustrating how often these facts must be restated. I realize that people can be uncomfortable with the truth, but they shouldn’t use their discomfort to condemn or discriminate against our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters.
Now, someone might say, you need to sustain the brethren, and I would agree. I see them as persons of good will. But to sustain them does not mean to remain silent when we believe the brethren are mistaken. We have a moral responsibility to speak out when we believe our leaders adopt policies that are harmful. Wouldn’t it have been better if more church members had spoken out against the mistaken policy denying Blacks the priesthood? When our leaders speak, that’s the invitation for our thinking to begin.
Today, too many smart, talented, and good young men and women are walking away from their faith. The church is losing some of the best and brightest, not to sin or Satanic influence, but to their moral conscience. It would be unfortunate if in the future the church finds its bank accounts full, but its meeting houses empty. I do not claim to speak for God, but I cannot help but believe God sees our transgender and gay brothers and sisters as beautiful and good just as they are. We should as well.
Jeffrey Nielsen teaches philosophy at Utah Valley University.