In Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s recent speech to Brigham Young University staff, faculty and administration, he references LGBTQ issues stating, “There are better ways to move toward crucially important goals in these very difficult matters — ways that show empathy and understanding for everyone,” and, “we all look forward to the day when we can ‘beat our swords into plowshares, and [our] spears into pruning hooks.’”
I wholeheartedly agree with Holland; there are much better ways to handle this.
Until the pandemic began, my husband and I were involved with the LGBTQ BYU students for several years, including hosting a dinner once a month. Many of those that came were returned missionaries wanting to find a place at BYU and in the church. They needed to know they belonged.
We hosted these dinners because we saw the importance of finding a way to let them know that they were seen, wanted, and loved. We wanted them to know there was a place for them. It was a way we could help lift their heavy burdens. We gained a deep love for each one of them and formed many lasting relationships. We were the ones that learned the most.
In Christ’s day, the people asked Him, who sinned, the blind man or his parents? I have often seen the same types of questions asked in relation to LGBTQ people. The very attitude that someone must have sinned, or they wouldn’t be different from us, robs us of our compassion and empathy.
It is hard to live in a world where you are always afraid of what people are going to say and that believe you are immoral by your very existence but there is nothing you can change. Many of the people who attended our dinners have deep scars and wounds resulting from the unkindness and crushing cruelty that Holland referenced in his talk. They still have many questions about the future place for students like them at BYU. They care about both their church and their school. They want to be able to assemble as a group on campus and know they belong.
I think most people look forward to that same day as Holland mentioned when we can all “beat our swords into plowshares, and [our] spears into pruning hooks.” We can start working toward that today. With enough people willing to make the effort, we can accomplish this. It will take most of us doing the hard work of beating those swords and spears to change them into creative tools that benefit society instead of harming it.
The answer to how lies in five simple words. They are the same words the Apostle Paul used to summarize the gospel of Jesus Christ. “Bear ye one another’s burdens.”
We cannot help lift someone’s burdens if we do not understand them. This requires getting to know them well and listening. We need to hear their experiences and recognize that they have the same need to belong and to be loved that we all have.
Each of us knows LGBTQ people through our families, neighbors, schools, church congregations, workplaces, etc. If you do not know anyone, it only means that they do not feel safe sharing that information with you. They do not want to be hurt or othered. There are many ways to be inclusive and let people around you know that you want to learn and not judge.
The question is: When and where are we going to start? Let’s all set a goal to start either today, this week, or this next month. We must stop the harm.
Debra Oaks Coe
Debra Coe, Lehi, works as a volunteer on suicide prevention and is a local Realtor.