In her commencement keynote address last week at Utah Valley University, Wendy Watson Nelson remarked: “When we ‘open space’ in our lives, and in our hearts and minds, for others, they can arise as who they really are.”
She went on to argue that people would be healthier if they let go of their disagreements and really listened to one another.
Where was her compassion and desire to listen when her husband, Russell M. Nelson, president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, insisted that the LDS Church’s 2015 policy of exclusion towards same-sex couples and their children was the result of prayerful revelation?
How closely has Nelson listened to LGBTQ+ people and opened her heart to our plight so that we can “arise as [we] really are” when in 2016 Nelson encouraged us to “pray away the gay” or in 2017 when she alluded that advocates for same-sex marriage and those in same-sex marriage cause the devil to rejoice?
The truth of the matter is simple: Nelson saw criticism of her previous words and rather than issue an apology for her hurtful words, she decided to malign her critics through carefully chosen words.
She went on to say, “When one person says or implies, ‘You are wrong and must change your view,’ when we force our ideas on others or insist that they must think or believe or vote or behave like we do, that is emotional violence. And emotional violence is the breeding ground for contention.”
Who has experienced “emotional violence” in our community? Is it the wife of the president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? Nelson wants to portray criticism of herself as “emotional violence” while she and the organization that her husband leads have both engaged in profound emotional violence against us as LGBTQ+ people.
We begged the church to stay out of Proposition 8 in 2008. Our families wept in anguish as the church introduced a policy of exclusion after the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage nationwide. We pleaded for equal protection under the law and only received protections once the LDS Church gave its blessing and carved out deep religious exemptions.
We don’t wish to commit emotional violence; we want to live in a peaceful, pluralistic society, in which the rights of all are equally respected and protected.
What do we receive instead? Empty words and lectures about letting go of disagreements from a woman who refuses accountability for her own emotional violence but then encourages the audience to “arise as who they really are.”
Dr. Nelson, I arose when I came out as gay and decided to fight for the “least of these,” until my dying breath. There is no emotional violence in telling the truth and I wish you would see as we really are. Perhaps you should take your own advice and start to see LGBTQ+ people as we know we are: worthy.
Jacob Newman
Jacob Newman is a returned missionary (Bangkok, Thailand, 2009-2011), Brigham Young University alumnus, (BA 2014, MA 2016) and seventh-generation Mormon. He lives in Millcreek with his husband of nearly five years.