Ethan Walker: See things through the eyes of a young black man

Some people wince at “black lives matter.” They honestly and earnestly say, “It’s not only black lives, all lives matter.” I address these people directly.

I believe you value every person’s life; I also believe there are fundamental things about the black experience you may not understand. I reach out to you in good faith, seeking to examine police violence with you, through the eyes of a young black man.

I often call my fiancé late in the evening, just to chat. I don’t want my roommates to eavesdrop on these intimate conversations, so I step outside to speak privately with someone I love. What is there to fear in this situation? I immediately worry about the police. What if someone sees me from their window and calls the cops because I “look suspicious”? What if that cop sees my hand in my pocket and assumes the worst? It may seem irrational to fear something as uncommon as police violence. But statistics substantiate this fear endemic to the black community.

According to FBI data, since 2015 police officers have killed 2,762 suspects armed with guns, 685 of whom were black. This number is 77% higher than the proportion of blacks in our country. One might dismiss this with “but maybe more blacks carry guns.” But it’s impossible to dismiss this: since 2015 police officers have killed 302 unarmed people, 104 of whom were black. This number is 146% higher than it should be, meaning the disparity in unarmed suspects is worse than the disparity for armed suspects. Black people are disproportionately affected by police violence: not only are we being killed more, we are being killed much more, especially when we are unarmed. This frightens me.

The same analysis for Hispanics shows armed suspects are killed 11% less than expected, and unarmed 7% more. This indicates that police violence is about blackness.

Police violence is unusual, but it doesn’t feel unusual to me. Unjustified police violence is random and unpredictable, bringing deep terror upon the black community. Where you might see police killings and lament the failing of some individual officer, we see yet another innocent brother or sister killed for no other reason than being black.

Imagine that your neighborhood is especially prone to break-ins. They don’t happen extremely often, but much more often than in any other neighborhood in your city. Now consider what it would be like if you couldn’t move to a different part of town, you couldn’t lock your doors, and the people robbing your neighborhood were police officers.

While this analogy has flaws, it captures how trapped, anxious, and helpless police shootings make me feel. I need to fight against this terror. I need to let people know what I’m feeling. I need to hope for a better future. When I say black lives matter, I am trying to feel hope that black people can be safe. When I say black lives matter, I am trying to force this country to change. When I say black lives matter, I am asking people to see my despair and reach out.

When someone responds with “all lives matter,” it rejects my pleadings and dismisses my fears. Black Lives Matter has always been about the black experience; how we experience America differently from white people. This is why we say black lives matter and why we unite in shining a light on police violence.

I ask you, look at our distress with new eyes, see at least a fraction of our experience, and join together in commitment to make black lives matter.

Ethan Walker, Provo, is a graduate student at Brigham Young University studying mathematics.