WASHINGTON -- Is there no evil the Democrats won't commit?
If President Trump is telling the truth -- and why would we suspect otherwise? -- Democrats are trying to open America's borders and fill the country with MS-13 gang killers and drug dealers who will turn the United States into Venezuela, destroy Medicare, trash the economy, and otherwise bury every white man, woman and child eyebrow deep in drugs. Democrats' cruelty is so much the worse when you consider that, under Trump, wages have quintupled, the debt has vanished, and every African-American has become a billionaire.
President Barack Obama's political guru, David Axelrod, tells The Washington Post's Philip Rucker there might be a "point of diminishing returns" to Trump's increasingly apocalyptic allegations against Democrats, if voters find them "so fundamentally contrived that even some who are inclined to vote for Republicans say, 'you lost me here.'"
Fundamentally contrived! That is an outrageous suggestion by Axelrod, whom I have reason to believe personally installed the secret autopilot technology in Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, which caused the airliner to drop off radar and land in Area 51, where Democrats have bred survivors into millions of shape-shifting lizards who look like Justin Bieber and are planning to vote illegally in the midterm elections.
If Trump is not winning, it is not because he is using “fundamentally contrived” allegations -- it’s because he is not using enough fundamentally contrived allegations.
Yes, Trump has said Democrats are in cahoots with "globalists" such as George Soros to finance MS-13 caravans and violent antifa riots, run the "deep state," fake the Puerto Rican hurricane death toll and sell the global warming hoax. His supporters have also claimed Democrats murdered a DNC official over Hillary Clinton's emails and ran a pedophile ring out of Washington, D.C.'s, Comet Ping Pong.
But Trump had been so much more creative previously, implicating Ted Cruz's dad in the JFK assassination, identifying 5 million fraudulent votes for Clinton, absolving Russia of election interference, discovering that both Vince Foster and Antonin Scalia were murdered, and finding that vaccines cause autism. He can do better!
The problem in these closing days of the campaign is that he has left too many potential allegations on the cutting-room floor:
Democrats, from secret headquarters beneath Denver's airport, are working with the Council on Foreign Relations, the European Union, Bohemian Grove, the Bilderberg Group, the Rothschilds, Skull & Bones, the Freemasons, Saul Alinsky, Opus Dei and Opus One to prevent Trump supporters from voting Tuesday by sending radio signals to the RFID chips they embedded in every American's brain through cloud seeding and birth-control pills!
Democrats, through water fluoridation and airplane chemtrails, have subdued millions of Trump supporters and transported them in black helicopters to a FEMA internment camp in Roswell, New Mexico, where New World Order socialists are loading them onto UFOs so they can't vote in the midterms!
Democrats, who have been spying on Trump and his supporters through the Eye of Providence atop the pyramid on the $1 bill, will, if they win the House, drink the blood of all Trump supporters' children before sending them to the Planet Nibiru, the existence of which Democrats have concealed until now despite its role in the solar eclipse!
Some will be skeptical of these allegations against Democrats. But these would be the same people who refuse to accept that:
Nancy Pelosi was driving the white Fiat in the Paris tunnel when Princess Diana was killed.
Chuck Schumer, working with the KGB, shot down Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 over Ukraine.
John Brennan faked the Sandy Hook shooting.
Maxine Waters faked the moon landing.
Debbie Wasserman Schultz faked the Holocaust.
Eric Holder killed the real Paul McCartney.
Cory Booker was on the Grassy Knoll with Ted Cruz's father.
Hillary Clinton created ISIS.
Bill Clinton brought down the World Trade Center with controlled demolitions and holograms.
Kamala D. Harris gave the stand-down order in Benghazi.
Bernie Sanders sabotaged the Deepwater Horizon using sharks with cameras in their eyes.
Elizabeth Warren deflated footballs at the 2015 AFC championship game and is responsible for crop circles, the Vatican's cover-up of sexual abuse and New Coke.
Soros is responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing, Pan Am Flight 103, poisoning the Russian defector in Britain and hiding a still-alive Elvis in his basement.
And Obama, born in Kenya to Muslim terrorists, is attempting genocide by pushing all white people off the edge of the Earth -- which, as we all know, is flat.
Dana Milbank | The Washington Post
Follow Dana Milbank on Twitter, @Milbank.