Instead of simplifying the argument by saying either “it’s OK” or “it’s not OK” to wear a Chinese-style dress called a qipao to prom, could we please look at the article “’It’s just a dress’: Utah teen’s Chinese prom attire starts cultural appropriation debate” with a broader and more comprehensive perspective?
I’m going to share a very personal and difficult experience that really taught me a life lesson. While a junior at UC Berkeley, I coordinated the equivalent of a Big Brother/Big Sister program for students to mentor West Berkeley and West Oakland elementary-age students. Our biggest demographic were young African-American boys with no father figure in their lives. Our volunteer demographic was predominantly white women students from middle-class backgrounds.
So the assistant coordinator, Charles, who is African-American, and I decided to do some outreach and we went to the student organization, BAD (Brothers of African Descent). I introduced myself and “my assistant,” Charles. I got hammered.
“You’re not his owner,” one yelled.
“Don’t be a f---ing racist,” another one angrily cried out.
Honestly, I was shocked. I was hurt. I wanted to run and hide. I felt defensive. I never had the intention of treating Charles as someone racially/ethnically inferior. Charles even came up to me and said not to worry about it and that he never felt I treated him in that manner.
What happened next was a surprise even to me. I took a deep breath and apologized. I thanked them for letting me better understand their perspective and for the teaching moment. I then proceeded to explain why Charles and I were there and why we needed strong and intelligent African-American men in our program. Our kids needed role models who were like them.
In the end, we left on relatively amicable terms. I’m sure not everyone was happy with me and it was a painful learning experience. Several days later, we had a couple of BAD members come and apply to become mentors.
I personally appreciated when a dear friend texted both my wife and me last week to ask if a gorgeous Chinese jacket she had would be culturally appropriate to wear to a dinner function. First of all, she didn’t need to ask our permission, but I appreciated her thinking broadly about the matter. We, of course, said it’s gorgeous, wear it.
What did bother me was Keziah Daum, the young woman at the center of the controversy, and her friends’ photo of them in “prayerlike poses” for a variety of reasons. It reminded me of times as a kid that kids would pull their eyelids and mock us by speaking English with a heavy Chinese accent.
However, instead of attacking a young person who is about to graduate from high school and embark on her life, let’s take this opportunity to help educate the young person. In the end, it seems like Keziah learned to see things from a different lens and I am hopeful she will grow from this experience.
I was fortunate to first learn this lesson just a few years older than Keziah is today, and I’m still learning as I near the half-century mark. I find that there are those, including my close friends, who do things that are culturally inappropriate at times. Sometimes I say something and sometimes I’m reticent.
In the end, we all can be better people and better members of our community if we just take a step back, a deep breath and a holistic perspective.
( The Salt Lake Tribune file photo ) Max Chang, a former chairman of the board that oversees Salt Lake County funding for large arts groups, is calling for a “thoughtful revamp” of how the money is awarded.
Max Chang, Salt Lake City, is chief operating officer of American Estate Management Corp.
Donate to the newsroom now. The Salt Lake Tribune, Inc. is a 501(c)(3) public charity and contributions are tax deductible