Bill Gates’ first enterprise failed miserably. Nonetheless he became a multi-billionaire and a celebrated philanthropist. Ben Franklin’s formal education ended at age ten due to family poverty. Yet he harnessed electricity, invented the lightning rod and bifocal lenses and is counted as one of our founding fathers. Stephen King’s first novel was rejected by 30 publishers. Currently his success is measured by the sale of 350 million copies of his books. Thomas Edison persisted after thousands of attempts to invent the light bulb. In time his tenacity displaced darkness with light worldwide.
Gates, Franklin, King and Edison all demonstrated resilience. They stared down adversity to become enormously successful. While their stories are inspiring, all of us too stumble, fall, and some of us rise to overcome setbacks. Why do some successfully counter punch on the stage of life while others throw in the towel? More importantly, how can we shape resilience in children so that they too stare down adversity?
Like most human capacities, resilience is a product of nature and nurture, biology and experience, interacting in complex, dynamic ways. Regarding nature, resilience is supported by the ability to control emotions (emotional regulation) and employ a reflective style of problem solving. Good intelligence is beneficial as it permits the individual to perceive important relationships among events. Sustained attention makes effective problem solving more likely to occur. These qualities are in part a product of genetics.
Research demonstrates that in studies with large populations of subjects, about 40 percent to 50 percent of these attributes are accounted for by genetics. Some of us are wired to be more resilient than others. But experience (nurture) is a huge player as well and every parent should be aware of circumstances that can shape resilience in children.
What experiences facilitate or inhibit development of resilience in children? Perhaps the most potent variable is a positive, enduring relationship with parent, teachers, coaches and others who have rapport with the child and who themselves demonstrate resilience. Similarly, parenting style is related to resilience.
Many favorable outcomes are associated with parents who employ authoritative parenting. The authoritative parent is warm and accepting in communication, sets clear limits, establishes expectations that are within the child’s ability to perform, recognizes success at a high rate, approaches misbehavior as an opportunity to learn and consistently monitors child behavior.
The authoritative parent grants the child reasonable autonomy to solve problems with the benefit that the child perceives himself/herself as an effective problem solver. Rushing to the child’s aid or establishing unrealistic expectations limits resilience.
Not surprisingly family stability and harmony are linked to resilience. Children find security when life is generally predictable, there are schedules and routines, problems often have solutions, adults can be counted on and genuine affection is communicated within the family.
But stability and harmony extend beyond the home setting. Safe neighborhoods and nurturing schools support resilience too. Family discord, divorce, spousal abuse, an out of control adolescent in the home, mental health problems, neighborhood violence and other negative conditions reduce harmony and reduce the probability of resilience.
Inadequate income is a threat to stability in the child’s life. The low income family moves often with changing schools, neighborhoods and friends. Single parent homes are more common in low income settings and the family may lack resources to enter the child into skill developing activities such as athletic and sports programs or extracurricular activities at the school.
Children residing in families that practice a religious faith (religiosity) are more resilient. Perhaps this is explained through the variable of stability — religiosity is associated with family stability, a condition that itself promotes development of resilience in children. It has been suggested that prayer provides the child the comforting perception that by communicating with a benevolent deity, he/she has control over life events.
What parent does not want their child to cope successfully with the curves, hills, and potholes that are the road of life? While nature is a large player in whether a child becomes resilient in the face of failure, there are, nonetheless, countless opportunities for us to influence our children to become effective counter-punchers when life throws a hay maker.
John Seaman is a retired school psychologist and adjunct professor of psychology at Salt Lake Community College.