By now you’ve probably seen the Utah House’s rendition of “Fresh Prints of Bills Here,” a rap on how a bill becomes a law set to the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” theme song. If you haven’t, and are wondering how hopelessly arhythmic and white it could be, well, hold onto your sideways hat.
They literally tried to rhyme “cool” with “chambers.”
It got me thinking that maybe I could try my hand at being an amateur “Weird Al” Yankovic and spread a little truth of my own in the process. So I put together this rap set to the tune of the 1997’s “Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems” by the Notorious B.I.G. (feat. Puff Daddy and Mase).
No, I will not be performing it, because, well: Dignity. But it would go a little something like this …
Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems by the Notorious B.O.B.<br>Who’s hot, who’s not, gavel just dropped,<br>Let’s not give a thought to legalize pot,<br>Pass 500 bills, gives us all thrills while you get the chills<br>rom this haze that stays for 45 days,<br>Then we go separate ways, but y’all the ones who pays, because
[Chorus:] We all be-long to the G-O-P, the more money we come across the more bad laws you see.
Noel wants seven figures to help the coal diggers,<br>stick it to bunny huggers and rock lickers<br>Build a coal port, take Cali to court<br>filing frivolous torts,<br>fighting the fights against the state rights<br>Lawyers get paid, bad arguments made,<br>But can’t restrict trade so still the mines fade, but
We all be-long to the G-O-P, the more money we come across the more bad laws you see.
Some lobbyists callin, straight up bawlin,<br>profits be fallin, costin too much for waste he’s haulin,<br>Wants a break from the state, what’ll it take,<br>to make more bank on what they irradiate,<br>Just chill, we will pass your bill<br>and get you two mil for your landfill, because …
We all be-long to the G-O-P, the more money we come across the more bad laws you see.
Speaker wears Prada, says we gotta<br>make a decision to build a new prison,<br>City don’t like it, can’t really fight it,<br>yeah, they tried it, still gonna site it on<br>the west side for life<br>More’s in store, that’s for darn sure,<br>so be a good sport ’bout your inland port, cuz
We all be-long to the G-O-P, the more money we come across the more bad laws you see.
Don’t drink then drive, we’ll make it point-five,<br>don’t matter at all if it don’t save lives,<br>Come visit, have fun, bring along your gun.<br>Bad air? Don’t care. Business just want us to be fair.<br>Cut the tax to the max. Teachers mad? Too bad.<br>They can strive to arrive at an initiative drive, because
We all be-long to the G-O-P, the more money we come across the more bad laws you see.