Ivins • A luxury development being pitched for an exclusive southern Utah community 11 miles west of St. George might make some area residents hotter than Hades, or at least hot under the collar.
Even so, developers of the Hell Hole Manor have high hopes for the luxury estate in Ivins’ Kayenta neighborhood they are touting as the “ultimate in high-rise desert living.”
“Only 666 entitled residents will be able to call this ultra-ultra-luxuriously appointed club home,” Kayenta Homes and Properties proclaims on its website. “HHM will be the biggest and very, very best building in all of southern Utah, or Utah for that matter.”
Hell Hole’s upscale exterior will be complemented by its swank interiors that feature the latest technology and realistic faux marble columns. Moreover, the developers add, 100% “l’or des fous-clad” toilets are available for a significant donation.”
And since the high-rise, which will be perched atop a prominent hill, will block people’s views of scenic Hellhole Canyon, the developers offer the following timely bit of advice: “Make your reservation early! View lots are limited.”
While Kayenta residents, many of whom are already upset over a $22 million reuse reservoir proposed for the area’s Dry Wash, might not be down with Hell Hole Manor, one denizen of the deep is downright fine with the development.
(kayentahomes.com)
“Take my word for it … better than the temple,” Satan is quoted as saying on Kayenta’s website.
As they promote HHM’s high life, the developers are not beneath stooping low when it comes to the demographic or target audience for the manor they are shooting for.
“Whether you are a politician, porn star, or your everyday oligarch, HHM might be the place for you,” the developers state.
Still, before digging deep into their pockets, prospective buyers would be well-advised to do a little digging by reading the fine print, namely the instruction that they should “call or text: 1-800-aprilfools.”
The April Fools’ Day prank was the brainchild of Kayenta architectural designer Matt Marten, owner of Gulch Design Group, according to Jeff Sproul, the principal broker for Kayenta Homes and Properties. Marten could not be reached for comment.
Once they were in on the joke, Ivins city officials and residents responded in kind.
“I’ll schedule the Cox Auditorium for the public hearings when it comes before the planning commission and City Council,” deadpanned Ivins Mayor Chris Hart, adding he expected resistance to Hell Hole Manor being built at the mouth of the canyon.
Utah Tech University’s M.K. Cox Performing Arts Center seats nearly 1,200 people, much more than Ivins can accommodate in its municipal council chambers.
“It should make for an interesting City Council meeting this week with this zoning change request,” council member Sharon Gillespie, a master of understatement, texted.
Other area developers and real estate agents reacted with mock concern. Patrick Manning, managing developer of the $2 billion Black Desert Resort taking shape in east Ivins, expressed a desire to grab some of Kayenta’s spotlight.
“We would let our light shine through the darkness of Hell Hole Manor but we would need a night sky variance,” Manning lamented, referring to Ivins’ restrictive lighting ordinance aimed at curbing light pollution.
Robert Bolar, a luxury real estate agent who lives in Ivins, wondered aloud how Entrada at Snow Canyon, another luxury development, could horn in on Hell Hole Manor’s limelight.
“Entrada won’t hold a candle to the HHM,” he quipped, adding Kayenta’s prank was pure “marketing genius.”
Whether the April Fools’ prank is a smart move or not, Sproul said the real purpose of the joke is to lighten people’s mood and make them smile.
“In these dark times we are living in, it’s important to have things you can make light of and give people a laugh,” he said.
