Taylor Swift didn't bring any special guests onstage Friday at EnergySolutions Arena, but she carried the show without — heck, if Katy Perry really did steal her backup dancers, Swift would be fine solo.
Her "1989" tour is an immersive spectacle, thanks to her boundless energy and enthusiasm — plus pyrotechnics, a stage that lifts and spins, stylized videos featuring Swift playing behind her on a giant screen, and bracelets (one taped to each seat) programmed to flash and change colors in time to the show (and maybe save your life?).
I jumped on the T-Swift bandwagon less than a year ago, after a discussion on a podcast about how slick and ear-wormy her new album was piqued my interest. It's unknown (and probably best left that way) when The Salt Lake Tribune's digital director, Kevin Morriss, jumped on the Taylor Swift bandwagon. What I do know is that he requested to review Friday's show well before I was hired at The Tribune, and perhaps before I was born.
He agreed to give me his second ticket only after weeks of wheedling, the mysterious deaths of several of his friends, and me writing the concert preview in his place.
He also suggested that we craft our review like a Taylor Swift song, complete with coded references (answers at the bottom). Maybe it was the pre-show margaritas, and maybe it was the proximity to Swift, but it happened.
Fair warning: It's much longer than your average Swift song, maybe the length of "All Too Well" before she cut it down to 5 1/2 heartbreaking minutes.
He made me a deal that I couldn't decline/ If I did all the writing/ That ticket could be mi-ine/ I had to beg and plead 'fore it came to this/ When it came to plus-ones, I was down on his list
But now I'm at Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah now I'm at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
She kicked off the show on a big city street*/ Couldn't hear her lyrics cause of all the screams/ She had on the shades; how could she see?/ Then she took those glasses off and was looking at me
Yeah, now I'm at Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah now I'm at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
She moved to a bonus track that some didn't know§/ I'd got it from iTunes; I was ready to go/ Then she amped up the drama to sing "Blank Space"/ She vamped through the song making her crazy fa-ace/ Even had a golf club that she swung around/ It almost made up for that glitch in the sou-ound¶/
Still, I was at Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah I was at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
Next she did "Trouble" but with a new twist/ It sounded like the '90s so I pumped my fist/ The bass was screaming but the lights were down low/ She gave the song more power just by singing it slo-ow
Whoa, I was at Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah I was at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
She stopped for a minute to thank her fans/ It got kinda mushy so we took out our phones/ Then she said SLC was her first sell-out gig/ I should probably fact-check a claim that big
But hell, I was at Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah I was at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
Went back to singin' with a peppy song/ About regret and how she can't move on**/ Next came some clips from her celeb friends/ Talkin' bout how cool Swift is and how love never ends§§
Yet they weren't at Taylor Swift/ (No)/ No, I was at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
She brought out the rain for a pretty bad tune¶¶/ But her costume and umbrellas made up for it soon/ Her dress lit up and it made me yearn/ To steal it from her closet and take a turn
But I was still at Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah I was at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
Then she grabbed a guitar for a cheesy fave***/ The stage lifted up and took her away/ She played some songs way up in the sky§§§/ Then the stage brought her close enough to see in her eyes
Holy cow, I'm seeing Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah I was at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
Played another video while she went below stage/ When she came back, she had so much rage/ Sang some mad songs that you might expect¶¶¶/ Then she ripped off her skirt, to great effect****
Yep, I'm seeing Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah I was at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
Now we're down to two songs; yeah I'm wrapping up/ You want to let me finish so don't interrupt/ She showed a music video full of wolves and trees§§§§/ It was only 10:30; we had till 11 at least?
Yeah I was seein' Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Yeah I was at Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ Now I'm seeing Taylor Swift, yeah
She came out in a green dress and said "Shake it Off"/ Tried to take a selfie; the lighting was too soft/ Still I figured I had encores to get it right/ Then she ran off the stage and said goodnight
Wait, did I just see Taylor Swift/ (yeah?)/ Yeah I guess that was Taylor Swift/ She's the performer of our time/ Unlike me, she knows how to rhyme/ So I just finished seein' Taylor Swift, yeah
Well she didn't do an encore but I'm not crying tears/ I'm sure she'll come back to Utah in two or three years
And then I'll go to Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ If they'll let me have tickets, I'll go to Taylor Swift
And if they fire me for making this song/ I'll just become a groupie; would that be so wrong?
I'd get to hang with Taylor Swift/ (yeah)/ Then I'd be with Taylor Swift, yeah/ Compared to working with Kevin, well, that'd be a gift/ (yeah)
* Welcome to New York
§ New Romantics
¶ Taylor yelling "Utah!" repeated over the sound system a couple of times even though she didn't have the mic near her face. What else was she lip-syncing? We'll never know.
** "Wish You Would"
§§ Selena Gomez, Lena Dunham, Cara Delevingne, Lily Aldridge, Karlie Kloss, Taylor's cats Meredith and Olivia (non-speaking)
¶¶ "How You Get the Girl." Ugh.
*** "You Belong With Me"
§§§ "Clean," "Love Story," plus another inspirational speech and then another friend video. I'm getting tired. But the stage did move her around to the point where she was probably 15 feet above our (aka the media elite's) heads.
¶¶¶ "Style," not an angry song but she sang it that way, as well as "Bad Blood," "Never Getting Back Together" and "Wildest Dreams" (to which she headbanged while playing on the piano).
**** Her flouncy ballgown dress was actually a skirt over a glittery gold bodysuit, complete with glittery gold ankle boots.
§§§§ "Out of the Woods"
rpiper@sltrib.com
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