From LDS Church ‘poster boy’ to coming out — David Archuleta’s new memoir tells his story in his own words

Over the years, David Archuleta has been defined by a range of words: Up-and-coming singer. Star. Straight. Gay. Mormon. Ex-Mormon.

His journey — from starring on “American Idol” and being a self-described “poster boy” for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to coming out and leaving his faith — has been written about far and wide.

But for the first time, in his memoir “Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself,” which is out today, Archuleta tells his full story, in his own words.

“Sometimes, I’m like, ‘Do these feelings [and] memories need to be revisited? This is a lot of baggage I am now sharing with people,’” Archuleta told The Salt Lake Tribune. “Overall, it’s like, no, I need to. This is my story and what I lived through.”

This isn’t Archuleta’s first memoir. In 2010, he released “Chords of Strength: A Memoir of Soul, Song and the Power of Perseverance,” which was co-written with Monica Haim.

Writing this new book alone (although a collaborator helped organize it) was “another moment of taking my life back in my hands,” according to Archuleta, who in recent years has come out and embraced his identity through his music.

“This is my story and no one else is telling it for me,” Archuleta said.

Music, family and everything in between

“Devout” quickly establishes Archuleta’s love for music alongside his family’s affinity for the craft. But that pure joy soon dissolves as David recounts the pressure his father, Jeff Archuleta, put on him to be perfect.

Once dubbed a “stage dad‚” Jeff Archuleta was the family’s priesthood holder, a man ordained by a higher church member “who has the authority to act in God’s name” — and his son felt a religious obligation to follow his guidance.

At one point, David is worked so hard that one of his vocal cords is paralyzed.

“What I did best was obey and follow the instructions given to me, to be obedient and compliant,” Archuleta writes in the memoir. “When I became devout, I felt something kindle inside me, an invigorated sense of meaning and purpose. Being obedient to a faith felt familiar and comfortable.”

When a therapist suggests he looks into scrupulosity, a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder, Archuleta wonders if “being OCD about God” is really a bad thing.

Another central theme of Archuleta’s memoirs is shame — something that he calls “a motivating factor” in his early life. He feels shame for thinking certain thoughts or having feelings that don’t match up with what is considered the norm, as dictated by the teachings of his church.

“Shame is important in Mormon culture. Without shame, you’re not a true Mormon. It’s considered godly sorrow,” Archuleta writes.

Working through that internalized shame is something he still battles with.

“It’s what I’ve known for so long. It’s almost like a comfort thing,” Archuleta said. “Before, I felt like I wasn’t ever allowed to just enjoy myself and who I was. I always felt like I had to focus on what needed to change, what I needed to improve [or] get rid of about who I was.”

The Latter-day Saint of it all

As the memoir’s storyline spans the years of Archuleta’s life, faith plays a constant role.

Devoutness influences all the decisions in his life, no matter how big or small, good or bad. He acknowledges that the Latter-day Saint faith’s framework allowed his family to be close in the early years, but in other ways, it also weighs heavily on him.

Archuleta first comes out to his mission leader because he thought it was time for him to repent, that if he confessed, God would cleanse him. Later, after coming out, he meets a closeted fan at the Salt Lake City airport. Before he gives him any advice, he says a prayer.

In June 2021, after years of denying his attraction to men, following three failed engagements, Archuleta considered taking his own life. When he begs God for an answer, God speaks in his head and asks Archuleta to “stop asking” to be changed, that he is allowed to make mistakes.

“I had spent a lifetime letting others interpret who God was for me and what He wanted for my life, but there adrift in the silence I finally heard the message He had for me all along,” Archuleta writes.

As Archuleta grows more confident in his identity, he even speaks to a faith leader, Latter-day Saint apostle M. Russell Ballard. Archuleta writes that Ballard, who died in 2023, told him that church leaders “don’t have all the answers on what to do about LGBT people.”

Archuleta said he felt nervous to talk to Ballard about these topics, but confident that he would understand.

“When Elder Ballard heard my story, he knew that the other brethren needed to hear what my story was,” Archuleta told The Tribune. Eventually, Ballard stopped responding to Archuleta’s inquiries to meet up.

“There’s a way, and I propose it in the book, to be more inclusive to this community and still honor your beliefs,” Archuleta said. “If you believe that eternal marriage is to be between a man and a woman, there’s still a way to be inclusive of people in same-sex partnerships and marriages, and honor it civilly.”

Utah ‘shaped me’

Archuleta hopes that Utahns who pick up his book can see that the state “shaped” him.

“I’ll forever be affected by that culture that I was raised in,” he said. He also hopes that people can learn compassion for him and others from his story.

“A lot of times in Utah, we feel like we can only show our best forward, but a lot of Utahns feel the pressure of having to be an example. They feel like they can’t show all of themselves because it’s flawed,” he said.

Most of all, he hopes this memoir can give people a full understanding of who he is as a person.

“I didn’t really ever give myself room to express who I really was and how I really felt and what I really thought,” he said, of past him.

“Devout” ends with three simple words from Archuleta: “I feel free.”