With Season 4 of “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” in the rearview mirror, here are some highlights and lowlights from the mayhem.
Best confrontation • After Heather Gay learns that Monica Garcia is behind the troll Instagram account Reality Von Tease, which has been making the Housewives’ lives miserable for years, she screams, “You are a[n expletive] bully and a[n expletive] troll and you do not deserve to be at this table or anywhere near any of us for the way you’ve treated us.”
She added that she has “receipts, proof, timeline, screenshots!” How iconic was that? It’s been re-enacted by everyone from Rep. Robert Garcia, D-Calif. — during a congressional hearing — to Kevin Hart. And you can buy merch with those four words printed on everything from T-shirts to drinkware.
Worst defense • Monica claimed she was only one of six people behind Reality Von Tease; that she only posted about Jen Shah (now in prison on federal fraud charges); and that any harm to the other Housewives was “just collateral damage.” (BTW, Heather said she has proof that Monica is lying.)
Most clueless • Mary Cosby did not know if the rumors that her son is married were true. Her son and his girlfriend (or wife?) live with her. Mary is upset to learn that all motels don’t carry Dom Perignon, a champagne that retails for $200 to $300 a bottle or more. Mary repeatedly accused Whitney Rose of calling her “a pornography.” She meant “predator.”
• Whitney said she was “nipping” a rumor “in the butt.” She insisted that’s the proper saying, not “in the bud.”
Biggest liars • Mary habitually lies about all sorts of things, including everything from lying about why she won’t attend Angie Katsanevas’ brunch to lying that she never tweeted anything about Whitney — when, in actuality, she tweeted that Whitney is “racist.”
• Monica said the FBI told her to drive by Jen Shah’s house to check and see if Jen was driving drunk. Monica also told Angie she’s the only one she told about the rumors about her husband, Shawn. (She also told Whitney, Lisa Barlow, Heather and who knows who else?) Monica said she never threatened to sue Angie, but she tweeted that threat. Monica also says she never sued anyone, but she’s counter-suing Heather’s business.
• Laughably, Meredith Marks said, “I don’t threaten people.”
Most surprised • Lisa was stunned to learn that her son, Jack, was planning to go on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Particularly because she was pretty much the last to know.
Most out of her element • Shopping for clothes for her son to wear on his Latter-day Saint mission, Lisa wanted to buy him a teal suit, a red pinstriped suit; and brown pants she described as “jungle chic.”
Best/worst confession • Heather finally admitted that Jen Shah gave her the infamous black eye in Season 3. But by lying about it for so long, Heather allowed suspicion to fall on lots of people, including the show’s crew members.
Tackiest comments • Mary said she doesn’t like spicy food because “it comes out the other end spicy.” Mary entered a Palm Springs store and said, “Somebody farted.” When Monica complimented Mary’s fingernails, Mary said, “They’re good nose pickers.”
• Meredith’s husband, Seth, asked Whitney and her husband, Justin, what the “craziest place” they “ever had whoopee” was. Whitney replied that it was “the one time I hid under [Justin’s] desk and got caught” by the head of HR at the company where they worked.
Dumbest fight • Whitney attempted humor in an interview, saying that a Season 3 scene of Meredith and her husband, Seth, in the bathtub together was “creepy.” Meredith took this as “a dig on my marriage and a dig on my bathtub.”
Dumbest bathtub drama • Meredith can’t enjoy a trip to the Bahamas because her luxury suite doesn’t have a bathtub.
Best/worst infidelity confession • Monica said, repeatedly, that she had an 18-month affair with her brother-in-law during her first marriage to the husband she has since divorced for a second time.
Worst attempt to fit in • Monica bought a $5,000 Louis Vuitton handbag “because I just feel like I want to have something, like, nice around” the other Housewives. She was mocked for it.
Weirdest accent • A drunken Meredith suddenly started speaking with a British accent. Shortly thereafter, Meredith sort of slurred something about “rumors and nastiness” involving Angie and her husband.
Biggest loss • Lisa lost a $60,000 ring in the ladies room at the Palm Springs airport. It has not been located.
Biggest overreaction • Monica was angry that Lisa was upset about losing her ring.
Craziest financial confession • Lisa spends $60,000 a year on “glam.” She also believes that middle-class Americans own $60,000 rings.
Worst gossip • Meredith repeatedly asserted that she has dirt on Angie, Angie’s husband, their marriage and their business. She never specified, but Monica tells multiple people (and the audience) that Angie’s husband, Shawn, is cheating on her with guys.
Worst Easter brunch • At Angie’s Greek event, she confronted Monica for spreading rumors that her husband, Shawn, is cheating on her with men. Monica creates a huge scene.
Best reaction to an unfounded rumor • Shawn brushed off the fact that the rumor is that he’s cheating with men — he was upset that he’s being accused of cheating on his wife with anyone, and that their daughter is going to hear about it.
Most self-serving • Monica says that when she told Angie about rumors that her husband, Shawn, was cheating on her with men, that was “my way of being a friend.”
Weirdest ban • Lisa was banned from a Park City tanning salon because she showed up there shortly before closing and “it escalated” to her yelling, “Let me [expletive] tan!”
Least surprising revelation • Meredith’s son, Brooks, is now openly gay. To her credit, Meredith is supportive and casual about it. Even though, in Season 2, Meredith came unglued when Jen Shah suggested that Brooks was gay.
Most entitled and obnoxious • Mary told a young man who thought she wouldn’t want him to touch the pizza she ordered with his hands that he is “lazy” for not putting it in a box.
Worst mother-daughter relationship • Monica and her mother, Linda, fought constantly. Monica compares Linda to serial killer Ted Bundy. Linda calls Monica “a mother[expletive].”
Most childish behavior • Fighting with Angie at the Easter brunch, Monica said, “She started it!” When her mother tells her to stop it, Monica shot back, “Tell her to stop it!”
Biggest hypocrite • Mary said that both Whitney and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are “racist,” after she had been caught acting racist multiple times on the show. Mary assailed Whitney for mean things she said — refusing to accept Whitney’s repeated apologies — and refused to apologize for all her mean, dismissive and insulting behavior and comments aimed at Whitney. Mary assailed Heather for some mildly critical comments about her home decor. And, Mary adds, Heather’s comments were “worse” than when she said Heather looks “inbred.”
Biggest physical threat • Mary threatened physical violence against Whitney. “Someone’s going to backhand you,” she says. “Like, seriously, it might be me.”
Most inappropriate gift • Whitney and her husband, Justin, gave their daughter, Bobbi, a golf cart for her 13th birthday — enabling an unlicensed, underage driver in an unlicensed vehicle.
Worst party theme • Heather hosted a pioneer-themed lunch, which included bonnets and aprons, butter churning, and, ahem, traditional pioneer food — like macaroni and cheese.
Dumbest allegation • According to Monica, Meredith accused Angie of being in the Greek mafia. (Meredith denies she said that.)
Most ridiculous reaction • Monica was put out when Heather declined to talk about her daughter’s sex life. She claimed Heather “sex shamed” her by refusing to answer. Whitney later reiterated that specious claim.
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