‘Real Housewives of SLC’ episode recap: Mean Mary lures Heather in to insult her again

Mary Cosby insults Heather Gay to her face; Whitney Rose is highly hypocritical about her bad language; and Monica Garcia gets her car back from her mother in the Nov. 14 episode of “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.”

Heather visits Mary

At Mary’s invitation, Heather visits the large Cosby home for the first time. “When Mary invited me to come see where she lives, there was no question” that she would go, Heather says in a confessional. And she’s not disappointed by excess and tackiness that she discovers: “Mary’s decor is exactly like Mary’s personality. You never quite know what you’re going to get. Green carpets. Chanel pillows. Dr. Seuss chairs from Whoville.” (That’s an accurate description.)

Mary, of course, has an ulterior motive. She wants to berate Heather for what she wrote about Mary in her autobiography, “Bad Mormon.” But first, she blabbers about a “spiritual” connection she’s suddenly decided she shares with Heather.

Heather tells Mary she misses having a Latter-day Saint “church community,” but that community doesn’t “take kindly to dissenters” and she’s completely on the outs with them since the publication of her book Mary has judgment ready in a confessional: “I just felt like Heather, like, wants both. She wants God. She wants her community. She wants her church. And then she wants her dark side. But she cannot have both. Like, she definitely has to pick a side.”

And then Mary complains about what Heather wrote about her. When Heather asks if that’s the only part of the book she read, Mary hems and haws, says she “skimmed” the rest of the book “but that was the part that I remembered — because it wasn’t true.” (Clearly, she hasn’t read the book.) Heather pauses, and says, “Every word was true.” Mary continues to insist it wasn’t.

In a confessional, Heather reads what she wrote about Mary: “Mary was equal parts elusive and forthcoming, engaging and disinterested. I agreed with anything and everything she said. And when she corrected my grammar, my pronunciation, my diet, and my physical appearance, I hung my head in shame and thanked her sincerely.” (Viewers saw all that.)

Heather says in the confessional, “I don’t think anything I said was that bad, and if anything, I erred on the side of caution.”

Mary complains that it made her look “bougie” and “poised.” (She doesn’t seem to know what either of those words mean, or understand what Heather wrote. Mary has struggled with the English language repeatedly on the show.)

When Heather points out that there were “harsh words exchanged” between her and Mary, Mary asks, “What did you find harsh? ‘Cause I thought you were harsh toward me.” (It’s worth remembering that, this season alone, Mary has insulted Heather’s fashion sense and her weight.) Heather recalls the time “you said I don’t even know I look inbred.” The editors insert that clip from Season 2, with Mary calling Heather “judgmental” and adding, “She has the snobbiness of a true Mormon. She don’t even know that she look inbred.”

(Wait, what? Mary has corrected Heather’s grammar?)

Back in the present, Heather asks, “Do you think I look inbred?” Mary replies, “I do.” Heather is startled.

Maybe Mary doesn’t understand what that means either. She certainly acts like that’s an OK thing to say to someone you share a “spiritual” connection with. “So did that bother you when I said that?” she asks. (No, Mary. People like to be insulted.)

Marye apologizes: “I wouldn’t ever want to intentionally hurt you or say things to you that it’s not true.” (What? You’ve insulted people repeatedly on this show, often with things that aren’t true. You just insulted Heather to her face.)

And, to continue with her inexplicably odd behavior, Mary says she’s “so proud” of Heather for writing the book … most of which she did not read, and the small part she did she misinterpreted.

Lisa visits Whitney

Whitney is still in her pajamas when Lisa arrives. Heather calls Lisa on the phone and asks her to introduce her at an upcoming book tour event for “Bad Mormon” in Salt Lake City, and Lisa agrees. “Now I think we have to read the book,” Whitney says. “At least the parts about us.”

After a bit of chatting and eating, Whitney scolds Lisa for her behavior at the launch event for her new jewelry line. “What the [expletive] happened?” she asks. She’s “mortified” that Lisa and Monica got into a loud argument. Lisa, rather childishly, says, “I didn’t start it.” And Whitney says, “I don’t care who started it. Like, you both should have enough self-awareness and self-control to realize that you’re screaming and yelling at my business event.”

Lisa says, sarcastically, “OK, so it’s my fault Monica is ridiculous.” Whitney replies, “No, it’s both of your fault. I was equally upset with both of you. Probably a little more upset with you because I know that you know my brand. You know my heart. You know my journey.” (So … equally upset, but more upset with Lisa.)

In a confessional, Lisa says, “Are you kidding me? You of all people should not be talking to me about event etiquette. Did you forget about Coach Shah’s birthday party?” (The editors helpfully insert a clip of drunken Whitney’s inappropriate, disruptive behavior at that Season 1 event.) “And you’re, like, chastising me? Maybe I should be mad at her for having a cash bar and no food.”

Lisa, however, apologizes to Whitney. She adds that she doesn’t understand why Angie — who told her how mad she is at Monica — was cozying up to her at the event. Whitney says she thinks Lisa is “triggered as [expletive] over Angie and Monica.” Lisa disputes that: “I have no problem with Monica, other than she upset my friend [Angie]. That is it. End of story. So I am not triggered by their friendship.”

In a confessional, Whitney says, “It can be very difficult to talk to Lisa, because Lisa can only see things from her perspective. And if you don’t agree with that perspective, she takes it as you are against her.”

Lisa continues to explain that she doesn’t care if Angie is friends with Monica, “but don’t [expletive] lie about it.” At this point, Whitney’s 10-year-old son, Brooks, is sticking his head around the corner, and Whitney tells Lisa to watch her language: “I swear in front of my friends but I really, like, I don’t talk like that in my home.”

(This is clearly untrue, because Whitney has just cursed twice — including dropping an f-bomb — right there in her home.)

Lisa apologizes to Brooks, who is sent to her room, and to Whitney. Whitney, however, continues to reiterate the lie that she doesn’t swear in her home. Just after she did. In a confessional, Lisa makes it clear how she’s taking this, mocking Whitney for her sudden transformation into an etiquette expert. “‘Oh, my God. Like, all of a sudden, I’m Emily Post, and I’m going to explain to you how you should behave.’ Well, let me get you a copy. Because the first rule is — don’t make your guests feel uncomfortable.”

Meredith and Seth podcast

Meredith and Seth work on recording an episode of their podcast, “Hanging by a Thread.” In answer to a question from the producer, Meredith says she and Seth didn’t have a pre-nup, but they do have a post-nup. After 15 years of marriage, when they were moving from Illinois to Utah, they signed an agreement because their marriage was not in good shape and “I was moving with three children from Chicago to Park City, Utah, where if you were to go get a divorce, it is not favorable for women in Utah.”

(What? Where did she get that information? Utah is somewhat notorious for favoring women in custody battles.)

“There was nothing financial in the post-nup,” Meredith says, “It was strictly about custody of our children,” and she was “terrified he was leaving. Like, we were not happy together. It was not good.”

Seth says that, at that time, he believed “it was the husband’s responsibility to provide the support for your family and nothing else.” But “when the kids had issues or challenges or homework or problems, I didn’t want anything to do with it. I wasn’t there … from an emotional support standpoint, and I regret that. And I apologize for that.”

He chokes up while he says this … and then Meredith realizes that they’re talking but they’re not recording.

Monica and her mother

Monica’s mother, Linda, shows up at her house, uninvited and unwanted. She’s there to return Monica’s car to her.

(Monica put her car in her mother’s name for reasons she has not made clear. Monica made all the payments, but Linda took the car after the two fought at the Greek Easter brunch three episodes earlier, forcing Monica to rent another car. They have not spoken since then.)

Monica goes outside to talk to Linda, because she does not want her mother to come inside and have contact with her four daughters. Linda says, “I come bearing gifts.” Monica replies, “This is not a gift,” and her mother suggests it’s a “peace offering.” Monica, however, is not having it: “I can’t do this anymore. Like, I can’t live with when you get upset or mad that you are just going to come and take my car from me.” Linda says she was “just trying to get your attention. … I won’t do it anymore.”

Linda says she is serious about going to therapy with Monica: “The cycle of dysfunction in our family goes back generations, right? You and I can be the ones to break it.” Monica is disinterested: “Mom, you just kidnapped my car from me. You want to talk about dysfunction?” In a confessional, Monica says that she and her mother have “been to therapy together several times. It did not help” because her mother was “not herself. And unless you’re going to go to therapy and be really freaking brutally honest — and show up as your messed-up self — it doesn’t fix anything.”

Monica makes her mother walk home. Linda is not happy, although we don’t know how long a walk that actually is.

Heather’s book event

Heather’s PR team organizes a small event at Ember in Salt Lake City to promote her book, “Bad Mormon.”

“What I love most about these book events is meeting up with people who have similar experiences and stories as mine,” Heather says. “[It] just makes me feel less isolated. It makes me feel connected. And it makes me feel like I’ve gained more than I’ve lost.”

Angie shows up, and she knows Lisa is mad at her because she hasn’t heard from her in three days, although they normally talk “about 80 to 100 times a day.” Monica shows up and is instantly snotty, asking the bartenders if they have anything “without Vida” — the tequila brand Lisa and her husband own.

And then she tells Meredith her version of the fight she and Lisa had at Whitney’s jewelry event. “It got very nasty,” she says. “We were bickering back and forth and she was, like, ‘Whatever, Monica. Your own mother doesn’t even want you.’” That’s more or less accurate, but Monica fails to mention all the nasty things she said to Lisa before that.

Meredith tells Monica that, when it comes to dealing with Lisa, “if you can try to give a response rather than a reaction, I think you’ll be more successful.” Monica replies, “Yeah, that sounds healthy. So I probably won’t do it.” (Now that was honest.)

Lisa’s intro features her singing “Away In a Manger” — sort of a “RHOSLC” inside joke. It was Heather’s idea, and the bit doesn’t really work. Although it’s not as bad as the sour look on Monica’s face and snotty comments would indicate. Lisa, however, is unhappy with Angie, who is sitting next to Monica. In a confessional, Lisa says, “Whose side are you on, Angie? Like, you’re sitting here snickering with Monica as I’m up here supporting our friend. This is exactly why I’m avoiding her.”

The introduction goes from bad to worst when Lisa raps out a few lines. “I give Lisa a lot of credit for getting up there and doing that,” Meredith says in a confessional, “but I don’t know that she has a future in rapping.” Monica continues to be snotty in her confessional.

The book reading itself goes much better. “I never imagined that I would write a book and I never imagined that that book would be so well received,” Heather says. She reads a passage about an encounter she had on a plane with a Latter-day Saint missionary, and it’s sweet and affecting.

Forgetting how much she hates Lisa for a moment, Monica says in a confessional, “Listening to Heather is very eye-opening. Because I do see we have so many similarities.” Monica recalls how, when she was growing up, she and her mother often had missionaries over for dinner, “and those are very good memories because it kind of felt like older brothers.”

The best year of Heather’s life

In a confessional, Heather says, “This has been, like, the best year of my life. I can’t believe that someone asked me to write a book. I can’t believe that people read the book. I can’t believe that people love the book. And I don’t want it to end.”

She wants to write a second book. And then a third book. “I want to keep exploring, like, who I am and why I feel the way I do and hope that it reaches other people, too. I feel connected to these people. And I feel like they are the community that replaced the church in my life.” (She later tells her daughters she is going to write a second book.)

Heather and Lisa have a really nice talk, acknowledging each other’s feelings and acting more like friends than they have since the show began. Lisa still doesn’t get that many of her “Mormon” beliefs are not acceptable to church members, but she realizes, “It’s nice that Heather and I finally hit a place where we can, like, just accept each other. … I definitely have a different understanding of Heather now.”

In a confessional of her own, Heather says, “This is definitely a big breakthrough for me and Lisa. To share this moment with her feels healing. It feels exciting, and it makes me really glad that she’s my friend.”

Angie confronts Meredith

Angie says she’s “hurt” because Meredith was “threatening my family.” (By threatening to reveal alleged tawdry information — presumably unfounded rumors that Angie’s husband has cheated on her with men.)

“I’m not threatening your family,” Meredith insists. Angie says, “You said it. You could ruin our family.”

“But I’m not going to,” Meredith says. “Big difference. … I’m very sorry that made you feel badly and hurt your feelings and upset you. What else would you like for me?”

In a confessional, Angie says that Meredith’s apology “feels shady. It feels fake. It feels like Meredith.”

A tense meeting

Angie drops by Lisa’s house, and — despite the hugs and kisses with which they greet each other — things are tense. In a confessional, Lisa says she feels “frustrated,” “hurt” and “blindsided” by Angie. Angie says she knows Lisa is upset, adding, “I think you feel like I’m taking [Monica’s] side.” Lisa denies that, although it certainly appears that’s true.

Lisa points out that Angie told her that she’s mad at Monica for spreading rumors about her family; that she doesn’t want a relationship with Monica; and that “you’re not really close to her.” And, after coming to Angie’s defense with Monica, she sees Angie cozying up to her. “The optic doesn’t match the conversations and it’s confusing for me,” Lisa says.

Angie actually agrees with Lisa. But, she says, Monica asked to meet with her after the Easter debacle and they worked things out. “And that’s why at this point, I’m trying to move forward with her,” Angie says, admitting that what she has said to Lisa has “probably … been wishy-washy along the way at times.” And, she explains, that she’s been “afraid to be clear” with Lisa because Lisa got very upset when she learned that Angie had gotten an apology from Heather — the sort of apology Lisa craved.

“Your insecurities in telling me stuff is not my problem,” Lisa tells Angie. She’s even more harsh in a confessional: “It is such a[n expletive] copout to say I’m the reason you’re not telling me something. ... You’re weak, you’re afraid and you’re a liar.”

In a confessional of her own, Angie says she wants “to find peace with Monica. I’m wanting to move forward with Heather. And Lisa is hurt by both of those friendships.” Angie thinks that because Lisa was hurt by her relationships with Angie Harrington and Jen Shah. “But I’m not those people.”

Lisa tells Angie, “I don’t feel like you’re being honest with me. … That’s why I’m acting this way.” Angie says she’s going to keep Monica “at a distance” while remaining “cordial and kind when I see her. That’s all.” Lisa says, “You can do, like, whatever with whoever and it doesn’t mean you’re better friends with somebody else. I’m not 5. I don’t think that way.” What viewers have seen has to make them doubt that statement.

They apologize to each other, and Lisa says, “So, we’re good.” But are they?

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