‘Real Housewives of SLC’ episode recap: Mary Cosby is unintentionally hilarious

With Jen Shah in prison and no mention of Whitney Rose’s still-unspecified childhood abuse, “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” is returning to its comedy roots. With a big assist from Mary Cosby.

The women are still feuding, fighting and screaming at one another, but the fights are more silly than serious. And Mary’s behavior — along with her difficulties with the English language — are played for laughs.

Late in this week’s episode (which aired Tuesday night), Mary is fighting with Whitney, and things get REALLY weird. Mary tells Whitney, “You called me a pornography, sweetheart. … You said you were afraid for your family for me.”

This is indecipherable. Mary keeps accusing Whitney of calling her “a pornography,” adding, “you told the whole group you want to take me down. You went to the dirt for me.”

In a confessional, Mary says, “I don’t like all this fighting. Like, I didn’t come for this. And they’re [the other Housewives] not even good at fighting.” (Mary was on the first two seasons of “RHOSLC” and she came back for Season 4 even though she doesn’t like fighting? That’s … amusing.)

“I never said you do porn,” Whitney says. Mary replies, “I didn’t say I’m porn. What did she call me, Heather? What was it?”

“Predator,” Heather replies.

Oh! That makes considerably more sense. And, yes, Whitney did repeat allegations about Mary, her husband and their church. “You called me and my husband a predator. Period,” she says. “And I’m done with you.”

It’s hard to follow a fight involving Mary, because she doesn’t know what words mean. And she clearly doesn’t realize that viewers are going to laugh at her, not with her.

Back to the beginning of the episode

Meredith, Lisa, Heather, Mary and Monica arrive at the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, California.

“It’s screaming drag queen,” Heather says in a confessional. “I’m surrounded by pink flamingos, pool floaties, extensions, fake lashes big lips. Oh, wait. Those are just my friends. But I’m assuming there are drag queens somewhere in the vicinity.”

Of course there’s a drag queen. Owner Trixie Mattell greets the women, and then drops a bomb: The “other” women — Whitney and Angie Katsanevas — are already there.

Meredith is clearly ticked off, because she intentionally did not invite Angie on this trip. Heather is unhappy because she does not like Angie, and she’s surprised that Meredith isn’t reacting, because “her hostess trip just got completely hijacked.” In a confessional, Meredith says, “This is incredibly ill-mannered and rude. I can’t imagine inviting someone on a trip without talking to the hostess about it.”

Mary is just confused. “Who is Angie?” she asks, proving she didn’t watch Season 3.

But Lisa is not unhappy to see Angie there. “I don’t usually love surprises, but the Angie K. surprise I love,” she says, telling Angie, “I’m shocked that you wouldn’t be included.”

Meredith tells Heather there are “bigger things going on in this world right now. If this is what makes [Angie] happy, it reflects on her, not on me.”

Angie tells Lisa and Whitney that Meredith “had no issue with me. … So instead she chose this, like, passive-aggressive way of, like, excluding me. It’s fake.”

Meredith’s memory differs. “I don’t know why she would think she would be invited,” she tells Heather. “Many of our interactions thus far have been rather unpleasant.” And the editors splice in clips of a couple of those unpleasant interactions that Angie has apparently forgotten about. “It’s just mean-girl nasty,” Meredith says. “It’s a complete, like, act of war.”

Mary tells Whitney that it “feels childish” that she came down early and brought Angie with her. Angie replies, “it might feel childish to you, but Whitney is trying to be inclusive, so I don’t think that was Whitney’s intent.” Mary interrupts: “I wasn’t talking to you.”

Meredith brings out gift bags for her guests. She doesn’t have one for Angie, who acts insulted, but then Meeredith didn’t know she would be there.

Going shopping

Meredith announces the afternoon activity: They’re going shopping, in pairs, to pick out outfits for each other to wear to dinner that night. It’s Meredith and Lisa, Heather and Whitney, and Monica and Mary.

“And Angie, I didn’t know you would be here,” Meredith says, “but if you want to go on your own or go with Whitney, you can. Whatever you like.”

Angie, sounding absolutely phony, says, “It’s all good. I’ll figure it out.” And Monica comments on that: “Ooooh. Right out the gate. We are sassy!” Angie takes great offense at that, telling Lisa that Monica is an “[expletive] bitch.”

Clearly not one to shrink from a fight, Monica comes into the room where Angie, Whitney and Lisa are talking about her, says she overheard them and confronts Angie.

Angie castigates Monica for not “checking in” with her. Monica replies, “I mean, you were very rude to the hostess ... condescending and insulting.” Angie says she plans to have it out with Meredith later. “I deserve to be here as much as everyone else,” she says.

In a confessional, Lisa says, “Meredith does not have a good poker face, OK? She is stuck with Angie. ... She’s showing all of her cards, and her cards scream ‘irritation.’”

Shopping trip creates conflict

Mary hates everything Monica likes. “I don’t mind being paired up with Monica,” she says. “But, um, I think I’ll do all the picking. I’ll pick for me and her.”

Meredith’s choice for Lisa is weird and skimpy. Lisa is not pleased: “Obviously, Meredith hates me. I learned that I cannot trust Meredith’s style at all.”

And Whitney is not happy about what Heather picks for her: “I thought this was a game of trust. Instead, I am Kate Middleton on top and a lab tech on the bottom.”

Angie chooses a “very Grecian” and not attractive outfit for herself. Meredith says, in a confessional, that the outfit is “like a Greek tragedy.”

In a confessional of her own, Heather says, “We look like the rejected Barbies at the bottom of the toy trunk.”

Off to dinner

They head for Copley’s, a swanky restaurant located in a cottage that was once the guest house on Hollywood icon Cary Grant’s Palm Springs estate. And Lisa is unhappy: “I’m in a bathing suit going to a five-star restaurant. Weird.”

And in a confessional, Lisa says, “I prepared for this trip. Like, my shopper in Milan sent all these beautiful things to me. First, I lost my ring. And now I am going to dinner at a five-star restaurant in my bikini with a knockoff Givenchy top and this skirt that I stole from a Middle Eastern dancer. This is no longer a fun girls trip. This is like ‘The Shining’ and I am trapped.”

(Lisa talks repeatedly about the $60,000 ring she lost at the Palm Springs airport in the previous episode.)

In a confessional, Mary says, “Lisa, whoever picked out your outfit, they don’t like you. Like, you should know that going forward.”

Once they sit down, there’s a whole lot of drinking. “Let’s drink to the new beginnings. Fun times,” Meredith says.

Not having caused enough trouble already by inviting Angie, Whitney stirs things up by insisting the women play a “fun game” — they should each tell something unexpected about themselves that “might shock the group.”

Most of the answers are far from shocking: Meredith’s grandparents lived in Palm Springs; Whitney writes poetry; Heather likes watching birds; Mary is a “loner.” Lisa got her “first second [ear] piercings. I’m so naughty!” Angie’s is more confrontational: “For some of you that don’t know me, you might just think I’m a badass or a hardass. But I’m actually extremely sensitive.” Meredith gives her sort of a death stare.

Monica tells the other women they are “boring.” So, for the second episode in a row, she announces, “I [expletived] my brother-in-law for 18 months.” She explains that she had an affair with the husband of her husband’s sister, and at this point she’s starting to sound perversely proud of it.

In a confessional, Meredith does a callback to Lisa’s hot-mic rant in Season 2: “Lisa might allege that I have [expletived] half of New York, but I draw the line at in-laws.”

The trouble ramps up

Determined to stir things up even more, Whitney suggests that each of them say something nice about the Housewife on their right, then say “as a friend, something that you think they can work on.”

• Heather recalls when she and Angie attended Olympus High together, then adds, “I don’t trust you.” In a confessional, she says, “My lack of trust for Angie pretty much just boils down to the fact that ... she was my friend in high school. And she’s continually chosen to buddy up with anyone in the room except for me.” And then she gets vulgar about it.

Back at the dinner table, Heather says she was offended when, two episodes earlier, Angie stood next to her and said would buy a copy of Heather’s best-selling book, “Bad Mormon,” so that she could have Lisa autograph it. (It was indeed rude.) Angie says, “It was a joke” — and she goes after Heather for not having a sense of humor.

• Mary does the smartest thing she’s ever done on “RHOSLC”: She declines to participate.

• Meredith tells Whitney that “her intentions are genuinely very positive” but she needs to “work on her communications.” Whitney says she goes to “therapy for communication once a week.”

• Mary can’t let that go, and interjects, “That’s not what you said about her bringing her friend today.” Meredith says she’s “not getting into that right now. What I said was I didn’t understand it. I thought it was odd.”

• Monica tells Lisa, “I love that you are here in pretty much a thong. And … you were a pretty good sport about it.” However, as the mother of four going through a divorce and “trying to figure out what the ‘f’ we’re doing with our lives, it was hard to listen all day to you losing a $60,000 ring.”

“I didn’t say it over and over,” Lisa says inaccurately. “But, noted.” In a confessional, Lisa says with great annoyance, “What’s your deal with me, Monica? When you can afford to buy a $58,000 ring, you’ll care about it too. Shut the [expletive] up!” (What? It wasn’t worth $60,000? Just $58,000?)

The big battle blasts off

“I came here with an open heart,” Angie tells Meredith. “I thought we were friends.” Meredith shoots back, “You publicly said you will never be friends with me. Why would I invite you and why would you want to come here?” The two argue over whether Angie actually said that. (If she did, it was not included in an episode.)

“You’ve treated me really inappropriately, and maybe I should actually explain to you how you’ve made me feel,” Angie says. Meredith replies, “I’m not really interested.” Angie says, “You’re being very rude. Meredith says, “Well, you can leave then. … This is not your dinner. ... You don’t even want to start with me, sweetie pie.”

Angie keeps insisting that she’s been “nothing but kind” to Meredith, including answering all of her questions about building a house. Meredith offers to write Angie a check for her time, and Angie takes a shot at Meredith’s jewelry business: “What are you going to write me a check for? Your jewelry that’s got [expletive] cobwebs and dust on it? You haven’t sold anything since 2015.” (It’s nonsense, but it is super-mean.) “You’re embarrassing yourself,” Meredith says. “You. Can. Leave.” When Angie again refuses, Meredith call security to escort her out. (Well, she tries to get a waiter to throw Angie out.)

When Lisa suggests they should all try to be friends, Meredith explodes: “If you all think she is your friend, you stay with her.” Turning to Angie, she adds, “You are nobody’s friend. You are an ugly human being.” Angie shoots back, “Why don’t you look in the mirror at yourself?”

Then Meredith asserts that there are things more important in the world “than this nonsense. There are children who are going to be disabled for the rest of their lives? And you know what? I’m not doing it.”

Nobody knows what Meredith is talking about. And it’s clear that she’s very drunk. Mary says, “I think that Meredith probably should’ve not drink that last drink.” (She’s right, for a change. Except for her grammar.)

The battle continues

Meredith gets up and storms off, and Lisa follows her. Back at the table, Heather says, “Whitney, this is all your fault. Go get them!” It actually is Whitney’s fault for inviting Angie, but she refuses.

Meredith tells Lisa she’s “dealing with a lot of [expletive],” but she offers no specifics.

Back at the table, Heather says, “Meredith left with an English accent.” And she’s right, as an instant replay confirms. (It’s so weird. Does Meredith always speak in a bad English accent when she’s drunk?)

Lisa hugs Meredith. Meredith says Angie is “too aggressive, too mean.” Lisa says, accurately, “Sometimes we all have acted like high schoolers, right?”

Meredith will not back down, however. She threatens to “go for the jugular and talk about the rumors and nastiness about [Angie]. … You want me to go there with her husband? I can go there. Don’t [expletive] with me. Tell her to [expletive] off.”

(That’s foreshadowing, folks. We know from clips it’s going to come up again.)

In a confessional, Lisa says that the way Meredith is acting toward Angie is much the same way she acted toward Lisa. Including spreading rumors about them and their husbands. “I think that the real victim here is Angie,” Lisa says.

Lisa and Meredith return to the table. “Let’s both take a deep breath,” Angie urges Meredith. “OK, I was very hurt. And I may not have approached you in the right way. This is not how I wanted this to go.” Meredith replies, “Really? Because you took it there tonight. And you can just go. I’ve had enough of you.”

Headed back to the motel

All seven women climb back aboard the shuttle bus, some looking unsteady on their feet. “Guy, make sure I get home without a black eye,” Heather says. “That was such a great dinner, except for the fight.”

Meredith says she wants to “table” her fight with Angie, “for now,” because “I have something that is much bigger weighing on me.” Whitney, STILL not happy with the amount of trouble she’s stirred up, says Meredith’s excuse is “convenient. … Every time I try to have a conversation with Meredith, there’s some big, extraneous situation.” (That has happened multiple times.)

They arrive back at the motel, and Meredith gets off the bus. Mary goes after Whitney, saying, “she’s fragile. Broken up. And then you attack her.” Whitney argues that she didn’t attack Meredith, she just “stood up for myself.” (But she did.)

The Mary-vs.-Whitney fight intensifies. “You need to grow up,” Mary says. “You deny everything you do.” (She’s not altogether wrong about that.)

Mary goes on to warn Whitney not to talk about her, adding, “I never talked about you.” (That’s a total lie. We saw it happen repeatedly in previous episodes.) The fight continues, and Mary struggles because she doesn’t know the difference between “pornography” and “predator.”

In the final scenes, a drunken Heather barfs on the shuttle bus. Viewers see more of that than anyone wants to see. Certainly Whitney sees more of it than she wants to see. She exits the shuttle bus gagging, having “sympathy throw-up.”

There’s more about Mary

She’s mean • When both Heather and Meredith get a bit loud in Heather’s room, Mary says, “Heather has a big mouth.”

She’s rude • In a pleasant, friendly way, Angie invites Mary to come sit with her and Whitney by the motel pool. “I am not coming over there,” Mary replies nastily. “Please stop talking to me like that. I don’t like it.”

She’s funny • When Meredith announces that she’ll be buying an outfit for Lisa, Mary suggests it should include “maybe a new ring.”

She’s crass • Mary walks into a store with Monica, and the first thing she says is, “Somebody farted.”

She’s weird • Mary says she used to have an African Grey parrot “and she was strange. Like, she wanted me to stare at her all the time. Like, she’s flying all over the place. She didn’t obey. There’s, like, a flying cat.”

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