During the holiday season, I like to mix things up a little and solicit questions from fictional characters, who (as it turns out) have issues, too. SO MANY ISSUES! Here’s this year’s Christmas edition of Ask Ann Cannon.
Dear Ann Cannon • Is it OK for me to use a green crayon now and then?
— Harold from “Harold’s Purple Crayon”
Dear Harold • Dude. I’m all for thinking outside the (crayon) box. Grab that green crayon and knock yourself out!
Dear Ann Cannon • How can I ask my mom to host a birthday party for my new friends so she’ll say yes? I have a slice of cake already.
— Max from “Where the Wild Things Are”
Dear Max • Try this — promise your mother that you’ll pick up after your friends. Then let the wild rumpus start!
Dear Ann Cannon • I’m sick and tired of walking in a straight line. How can I effect social change?
— Madeline from “Madeline”
Dear Madeline • Honey, you’ve already answered your own question. To effect social change, you have to break rank sometimes and chart a new course. Remember what that bumper sticker says: “Well-behaved women and school girls seldom make history.” (Except that it doesn’t really say “school girls.”)
Dear Ann Cannon • I think the boy who is my best friend is in love with me. He’s a great guy, but I don’t feel the same way about him. What should I do?
— Jo from “Little Women”
Dear Jo • Introduce him to your sister Amy. You’re welcome.
Dear Ann Cannon • I think I’m in love with the boy who’s in love with my sister. What should I do?
— Amy from “Little Women”
Dear Amy • Stick around. You’re welcome.
Dear Ann Cannon • I’ve been offered a position as a governess in an English country manor. Do you think I should take it?
— Jane from “Jane Eyre”
Dear Jane • Sure! If moody men who lock up crazy wives in attics are your thing, then go for it!
Dear Ann Cannon • What do you do when everybody in the family has had a little too much Christmas?
— The Berenstain Bears
Dear Berenstain Bears • I’m not sure. But I’ll bet you guys can figure it out and then write a book about it.
Dear Ann Cannon • Our friend Toad, who suffers from extremely low impulse control, just bought himself a fancy new automobile. We’re worried about what could happen once he gets behind the wheel. What should we do?
— Ratty, Mole and Badger from “Wind in the Willows”
Dear Ratty, Badger and Mole • I only have three words for you: Hide. The. Keys.
Dear Ann Cannon • I just met a boy who seems pretty interested in me. He’s cute and charming and also knows how to fly. Frankly, I’m interested in him, too. Do you think there’s a future in our relationship?
— Wendy from “Peter Pan”
Dear Wendy • FYI, this guy is a type. The type that never grows up. Does that answer your question?
Dear Ann Cannon • To be or not to be. That’s the question.
— Hamlet from “Hamlet”
Dear Hamlet • Be. Just … be. That’s the answer.
Dear Ann Cannon • I see dead people. Should I tell anyone?
— Ebenezer Scrooge from “A Christmas Carol”
Dear Ebenezer • My advice? Tell everyone you know about what you’ve seen. The whole wide world will love you for it.
Merry Christmas!
Ann Cannon is The Tribune’s advice columnist. Got a question for Ann? Email her at askann@sltrib.com or visit the Ask Ann Cannon page on Facebook.
