Dear Ann Cannon • My younger sister is about to get married, and I really don’t like her fiancé. I made a valiant effort to get to know him at first, but red flags keep going up — he’s not polite, he never says thank you, he only talks to my sister, he’s taken no initiative in planning the wedding, yet all the choices being made seem to be about him and his family, he has no income or education, and he’s very hostile to me about our religious differences. The wedding keeps getting closer, and my sense of dread keeps intensifying. I know I can’t tell my sister what to do, or even that I don’t like him (though I suspect she already has a sense) without her pulling away. What can I do to be more at peace with this marriage and supportive of her?
— Big Sister
Dear Big Sister • I’ve thought a lot about this situation since receiving your email. Honestly, I’m not sure I can give you the best advice — there’s always more than one way to respond — but here goes. Frankly, I think your instinct to keep your opinions to yourself about your future brother-in-law is a smart one. Expressing them won’t change your sister’s mind about the man she obviously loves, so why run the risk of alienating her — especially if you want to stay involved in her life?
Here’s something else to consider. If you share your feelings with her right now, she may be reluctant to open up later on if things do go south. Why? Because she won’t be in the mood to hear you (or anyone else) say, “I told you so.”
How can you support her in the meantime? Be a constant and loving friend to her. Continue to be polite to him in spite of his very impolite behavior. Who knows? Life is long and he may end up surprising you. Perhaps there’s some peace to be found in that thought. At least I hope so.
This is hard. I’m sorry. Good luck.
Dear Ann Cannon • My partner is obsessed with the Utah Jazz. He spends a lot of time on fan boards and watches every game. He has even been known to re-watch a game. Also, he wears his Jazz jersey in public — and not just to a game. Is that even a normal thing for a grown man to do? Frankly, his interest in the Jazz is getting on my nerves. Should I just keep quiet or should I say something about it to him?
— Not a Fan
Dear Not a Fan • Before I answer your question, would you mind asking your partner some questions for me?
Oh.
Wait.
Clearly an apology is in order. I’m sorry. Obviously, I am NOT the right person to help you out. Best wishes anyway. (And go, Jazz!)
Ann Cannon is The Tribune’s advice columnist. Got a question for Ann? Email her at askann@sltrib.com or visit the Ask Ann Cannon page on Facebook.
