Dear Salt Lake Tribune Readers • I made up one of the following questions. The other two are legit, and by “legit” I mean they were sent to me by actual human beings. I’ll let you decide which is which.
Dear Ann Cannon • I am quite taken with Abby Huntsman on “The View.” Does this make me a bad Democrat?
Dear Conflicted • No. Being quite taken with Donald Trump, on the other hand, probably would.
Dear Ann Cannon • Why are people from Oregon so much cooler than I am?
— Boring Idahoan
Dear Boring: OK, this one time when I was driving through Oregon, the water tank in my car blew up, which meant my car and I had to be towed into Eugene. The tow truck driver, who looked exactly like cute Chris Pratt in “Guardians of the Galaxy," told me how he delivered his girlfriend’s baby on their kitchen table ALL BY HIMSELF, which is pretty impressive, so by the time we pulled into town, I thought Tow Truck Driver Guy was way cool. Not because he could deliver babies on kitchen tables, but because — you know — he looked like Chris Pratt.
I realize this doesn’t answer your question. But thank you for giving me an opportunity to think about Chris Pratt.
Dear Ann Cannon • I know you’re a big baseball fan. I’m new to the game and need advice about how to pick teams to cheer for in the upcoming pennant races.
Dear Novice • Welcome to the exciting world of postseason baseball! Personally, I like to choose my teams based on who has the cutest uniforms. With that in mind, let’s take a look at where things stand, shall we?
OK, the Red Sox have the Eastern Division locked and loaded, while the Indians have the Central Division in the bag. So, frankly, there’s really no point in my giving you advice on those fronts, right? Meanwhile, the Astros have pulled ahead of the A’s in the Western Division, making the A’s and the Yankees the wild cards. Because I always prefer the crisp color combination of yellow and green to navy blue pinstripes, I’ll be cheering for the A’s.
The National League definitely presents more fashion choices for us to consider. The Braves will probably take the East, so let’s not bother with them. When it comes to determining the Wild Card, the other divisions (as of this writing) are still up for grabs. Cubs or Brewers? Dodgers or Rockies or Cardinals … or even the Diamondbacks? Frankly, I can’t cheer for the Diamondbacks (even though I’m a Zack Greinke fan) because their away uniforms look like the kind of sad pajamas you’d find on clearance at a Tuesday Morning in Scottsdale. #sadpajamas #youcandobetterthanthat
That leaves us with the rest. Although the only time I’ve ever seen our son Alec cry tears of joy was when the Cubs won the World Series in 2016, I’m going to risk alienating him (and the rest of the family) by pulling for the Cardinals this fall. Seriously, who can resist a shirt with BIRDS ON IT? In my book, bird motifs always make for a bold, as well as confident, fashion statement.
I hope this helps.
Now let’s play ball!