Dear Ann Cannon • What do you do about grandkids who never acknowledge cash gifts? Six of my adult “grands” call, write or email, but the seventh and his wife leave it to my bank statement to let me know if the check was cashed. I skipped over them at Christmas and am debating over an approaching birthday. Never had any “bad vibes” in the family and I do love them all.
— Sad Nana
Dear Sad Nana • OK. Before I specifically address your question here, I’d like to write an open letter. Thanks in advance for your indulgence.
Dear Everyone (Myself Included): Let’s all resolve to acknowledge the gifts people give us, shall we? At the very least, let’s promptly call, text or email the giver — if for no other reason than to let her know you’ve received said gift so she won’t wonder if said gift was stolen by a roving gang of porch thieves. Bonus points if you send her an actual handwritten thank-you note! Sincerely, Ann Cannon
Now on to your question, i.e. what do you do about grandkids who never let you know if they’ve received the money you sent? It sounds like you’ve certainly hit upon one solution. Others include a) maintaining the status quo in spite of your growing annoyance and b) letting go of your expectations altogether. (And, by the way, there are those who will say that wanting or expecting an acknowledgment of some sort is the same thing as giving a gift with strings attached. I’m not one of them.)
It’s been almost a month since Christmas. Have you heard anything from your grandson? Honestly, I’d love it if you’d write back and let us all know how your strategy works out.
I have to say there’s a possibility your plan could backfire. Your grandson and his wife might not get the hint, causing them to view YOU as the rude one for leaving them off the party list. Sad! On the other hand, if your action helps your grandson and his wife understand that expressing gratitude is an awesome life skill, then you will have done them both an enormous favor.
Looking forward to your report.
Dear Ann Cannon • How can I train my dad, who’s in his early 60s, to respond to my texts? He has a smartphone now. Texting is easier than ever before. Still, he’s terrible about getting back to me — and to everybody else in his life, as well.
— Daddy’s Girl
Dear Daddy’s Girl • So, I’m assuming you’ve already shared your feelings on the subject with your dad, right? No matter. Feel free to say something again. And again.
If you do and he still doesn’t respond to your texts, it could be that something else is going on with him. Consider the following possibilities.
1. He’s still busy responding to the original text you sent him. In 2005.
2. Come on! Texting is hard when you’re a certain age! Answering a text can take, like, forever.
3. I would know since your dad and I are probably the same age. We could have gone to high school together!
4. Trust me. Your dad had a lot more hair in those days.
5. Meanwhile, “autocorrect” gets in the way of people our age.
6. People our age spend a lot of time swearing at “autocorrect.”
7. According to my friend Sue, “autocorrect” makes you say stuff like, “I love young guys” when what you really meant to say was, “I love you, guys.”
8. Which creeps out your adult kids. Ew!
My point? Give your dad and his tired thumbs a pass. Call him instead.
Do you have a question for Ann? Email her at askann@sltrib.com or visit the Ask Ann Cannon page on Facebook.
