In a recent column I mentioned my great-grandmother (she's the one who slept with a shotgun) (nothing scary about that!) who used to say she was going to get "lined up"— in other words, that she was going to get organized.
Since then friends have told me they're saying it, too. "I'm gonna get lined up today," they say, to which I can only respond with, "For the record, my great-grandma never did. But hey! Good luck with that!"
I agree, though — it's an awesome saying.
It's funny how someone else's trademark saying can be incorporated into your daily conversations, even if you yourself have never met that person. Although I didn't know her, I often quote my friend Louise's Dutch mother, who (I'm told) would comment darkly on the state of affairs, then finish off her remarks by shrugging and saying, "Oh vell!"
Meanwhile, I had a call the other day from our son who lives in Houston.
"I have another saying for you," he said. So he told me about a conversation he'd just had with an elderly woman there. When asked how she was doing, the woman replied, "Honey, I am up to my butt in alligators right now."
Only she didn't say "butt." I'll let you figure it out the real word for yourself. (HINT: It starts with the letter "a.") I would be happy to write it down here for you, only I'm not sure exactly what a person can say or not say in the newspapers these days.
Speaking of which, maybe I'm not even supposed say "butt" in the newspaper. (Note to my editor: Can I say "butt" in the newspaper?) Like most Americans, I'm very aware that we can (and do!) say anything we want to on Twitter right now, as long as we say it using 140 characters or fewer. But newspapers are still held to a different standard.
We live in such a confusing time when it comes to public discourse these days!
Anyway. The conversation with Houston Son made me laugh, and I immediately listed (or lined up) in my head all the moments of the past week when I felt like I was up to my rear in alligators. (Note to my editor: I can say "rear," can't I?)
Here goes.
• That time I was trying to clean the house and get ready for a dinner party. At the house. Which needed cleaning.
• That time I was trying to prevent all three dogs from running out the front door when I was walking inside the front door with my arms full of groceries.
• That time one family member kept calling me on the landline because I didn't immediately answer my cellphone. You know why I didn't immediately answer my cellphone? Because I was on my cellphone with another family member. Which made it difficult to answer the landline. (#iknow, #firstworldproblems)
• That time I drove down to Provo NOT during rush hour. Only it turned out to be worse than rush hour.
• That time I was looking for something in the upstairs closet and found an archaeological dig full of dusty remnants left behind by the boys who used to live here — trophies, Ninja Turtles action figures, baseball cards, magazines, stray socks, hats. BTW, I never found what I was looking for. But I can tell you who my sons' classmates at Bryant Junior High School were.
Oh, vell.
Anyway. I hope you'll enjoy tossing around the line about alligators as much as I have. Meanwhile, feel free to send me lines of your own. Thank you!
