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Letter: We are still failing in how we react to people different from us

(Al Hartmann   |  The Salt Lake Tribune) Temple Square with Tabernacle, and Salt Lake Temple seen from high angle above South Temple and West Temple streets on March 22, 2011

(Al Hartmann | The Salt Lake Tribune) Temple Square with Tabernacle, and Salt Lake Temple seen from high angle above South Temple and West Temple streets on March 22, 2011

The Oct. 20 letter to the editor from David Warden titled “An invalid question” invites a reply. It portrays both confusion and historical ignorance.

First, the question in Ann Cannon’s column, “How can I find a way to forgive a Mormon bishop ...,” is neither an “impossible premise” nor a “misstatement,” as he states. It is simply one person’s question. The call for The Tribune to issue a correction boggles the mind.

The statement that “Mormon bishops do not have the ability to excommunicate” is simply naïve in the face of actual practice. The “explicit” church policy on LGBT members that Warden cites is indeed an improvement over the past, but it is historically a fairly recent evolution and didn’t exist for any of the LGBT whom I worked with back in the 1970s and 1980s.

A big difference then was that it was their fault; they just didn’t try hard enough (see the 1980s church “Handbook”). The church’s discovery that there is a difference between a sexual “orientation” and sexual behavior was too late to help generations of LGBT Mormons.

As a sociologist, former college professor and trained therapist, I remember heart-wrenching suicides. I saw what “shock” therapy did to people desperate to be “normal.” I witnessed the sad results of LGBTs marrying in order to change, as counseled by well-meaning church leaders.

Warden cites a more enlightened LDS policy. However, it now comes with an additional policy. In my experience, loneliness is perhaps the greatest disability for most LGBT trying to stay celibate. But if they find a loving partner and enter into a marriage, they are “apostates,” regardless of how they view the Gospel and the teachings of the church. Apostate, with all the emotional baggage that term carries in Mormon culture. And another “modern” difference, if they do marry, their children have an enormous price to pay, regardless of their parents’ wishes.

Our reaction to people who are different from us will continue to provide God’s real test in our earthly life. It is sad how we continue to fail this test, while remaining certain that we are not.

Norman Koller, Ph.D, Bountiful

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