Well, hurray to the Garfield County commissioners for unanimously passing the Garfield County Ordinance No. 2021-4 Second Amendment Sanctuary! A sterling example of our tax dollars at work!
I feel safer already, and encouraged that our gallant commissioners can deal so forcefully with problems that don’t even exist! Now that the threat of somebody somehow taking away our guns someday has been settled once and for all, there are other imaginary problems they could and should address.
I suggest they come up with a ruling against Jewish Space Lasers, which are, apparently, starting so many fires out in Oregon.
And then there are all those cannibalistic pedophiles running around the country stealing and eating our children. Surely there should be an ordinance against that sort of thing!
And what about those Lizard People? We’re not just going to sit here quietly and let them invade us, are we?
As for local issues like the drought or insufficient low-income housing or the proliferation of illegal drugs -- those’re just for sissies. So, really, thanks guys. Heck of a job!”
Gwendolyn Zeta, Escalante