Congratulations, Utah! We finally beat out Saudi Arabia for the weirdest liquor laws in the world. For it is on the books that no person shall drink 3.2 beer while watching the theater production of “The Book of Mormon” at the Eccles Center. Because — drum roll please — Utah liquor law “forbids serving alcohol while a person is permitted to wear a device” that “simulates all or any portion of the human genitals.”

Okay, I had to figure this one out, but I guess it has something to do with a Mormon missionary onstage with a “device.” Well that explains why tickets are $185 bucks. I once drank a fifth of vodka while reading the Book of Mormon and it came to pass that I got through almost seven pages.

And I have got to tell you, that should be against the law because, it came to pass, that I had one double darn heck of a Zarahemla-sized hangover.

Anyway, the good news is, it is still legal to shoot your neighbor in the face if you must, and the Legislature is finally working on that long overdue bill that will make it a crime to lick rocks.

Trent Harris

Salt Lake City