Here is the 14th annual sampling of Salt Lake Tribune Dream Headlines. We asked our readers to submit some headlines they would like to see in the newspaper in the coming year. They are the opinions of the identified writer, not necessarily The Tribune.
Enjoy. And, Happy New Year.
Legislators, choking on toxic air, create Utah EPA<br>— Christina Gringeri, Salt Lake City
Congress passes sane gun laws<br>— Don Hiddleson, Millcreek
Alcatraz reopened to house former President Trump<br>— John Ross Bell, Salt Lake City
Mueller places Russian gerbils in Witness Protection Program<br>— David M. Jolley, Salt Lake City
Warren Buffett buys Fox News<br>— Karen Doctorman, Salt Lake City
Prez 45 gets Pinocchio nose implant<br>— Richard Hacken, Provo
Trump donates hair to “Locks of Love”<br>— Teri Harrison, Salt Lake City
GSL pumps repurposed, suck smog into desert<br>— Aharon D. Shulimson, Salt Lake City
Too much snow, resorts are digging out<br>— Stuart Young, Sandy
Every vote for president counts<br>— Mary Walton, Salt Lake City
Trump seeks asylum in Mexico after impeachment<br>— Jillana Butler, Sandy
Hatch promises ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ votes on everything if re-elected<br>— Edwin Hebda, Sandy
Hatch emerges from retirement as CEO of Bears Tears, a dietary supplement and mining start-up<br>— John R. Rasmuson, Salt Lake City
Trump recants everything — believers stunned <br>— Greg Erickson, Salt Lake City
Jesus rejects GOP tax bill, sends back to committee<br>— Erik Stern, Ogden
DACA dreamers, your prayers answered (USA)!<br>— Steven Martinez, West Jordan
President Clinton at home in White House!<br>— Roberta Bird, Sandy
Law requiring IQ Test to vote, prevents many Legislators from voting<br>— Tom Eiche, Sugar House
Women de-throne King Donald<br>— Dave Salisbury, Sandy
Dems retake House and Senate<br>— Mary Burns, Cottonwood Heights
Trump promises to stop grabbing women by their “You Know”<br>— Mark Knudsen, Salt Lake City
LDS Church embraces gay marriage<br>— Bill and Sherri Park, West Jordan
Utes strike five-year deal to play in Who-Gives-a-Crap Bowl<br>— Shaun Delliskave, Murray
Schools prioritized over Lake Powell pipeline<br>— Jack Fried, Sandy
POTUS term limit shrunk to one year<br>— Nick Mahleres, Price
NFL folds!<br>— Ed Hall, West Jordan
Trump declares Trump Towers National Monument<br>— Kay Quealy, Millcreek
“Trump White House” reality show canceled<br>— Joni Gunst, Salt Lake City
Climate change eliminates inversions<br>— Paul Carpenter, Salt Lake City
Bears Ears renamed Trumps Hands, size increased<br>— Parker Bond, Sandy
Republicans nominate Paul Rolly to replace Hatch<br>— Donald Thomas, Millcreek
Working-class take control of Washington in bloodless coup<br>— John Nelson, Wellsville
Trump leaves White House in handcuffs<br>— Gary Geesman, Layton
Tribune quits sports banners, switches to news<br>— Kenneth Light, Salt Lake City
Religion extinct, more peace on Earth<br>— Ria van Lent, Woods Cross
Cliven Bundy demands Powell pipeline re-routed to water his free-grazing cattle<br>— Mike Ptaschinski, Holladay
The GOP learn to stop giveaways and love the middle class<br>— Allen Sanderson
Trump receives thesaurus for Christmas with “very”, “great” and “tremendous” highlighted<br>— Randy Merrill, Orem
Orrin Hatch dubbed “Sir Bootlicker” by King Donald<br>— Rosemary McAtee, Cottonwood Heights
Hatch touts balanced budget amendment<br>— Steve Erickson, Salt Lake City
Trump joins monastery, takes vow of silence<br>— Tom Owens, Farmington
Utah on verge of becoming a blue state<br>— Pat Fox-Jacobson, Ogden
Trump fired<br>— Kathy Spencer, South Salt Lake
When did Orrin lose his soul?<br>— Gardiner F. Dalley, Cedar City
Utah takes down speed limit signs<br>— Henry Florin, West Jordan
Donald Trump mysteriously devoured by black hole<br>— Bob Greenwell, West Jordan
Study reveals Congress most effective when not in session<br>— Steve Wills, Salt Lake City
#MeToo exposes Utah secrets<br>— Paul Carpenter, Salt Lake City
Hatch staff studying Ott re-election method<br>— Douglas Ridges, Snyderville
Swamp is drained! Dems win House and Senate!<br>— Tom Kudla, Heber
Sutherland Institute names Dabakis head<br>— Richard Scharine, Salt Lake City
America demands repeal of tax bill<br>— Michael Greer
Bagley and Rolly sent to angry old white guys rehab<br>— William Riley, Salt Lake City
Mormon health code updated: Coffee’s in; sodas are out (except for root beer)<br>— Glenn Enke, South Jordan
Air pollution ruled illegal, deported<br>— Tom Day, Cottonwood Heights
Orrin comes home. Kathie Allen beats Romney!<br>— Iraja Cecy, Riverton
GOP breaks arm while self-back-patting for tax reform; can’t afford health insurance to set broken arm<br>— Alex Wilding, Salt Lake City
Congress passes universal healthcare; Trump lauds, signs bill<br>— Kenneth Light, Salt Lake City
America wakes up, 2017 just a dream<br>— Sheryl Sweeten, Fillmore
Time traveler saves butterfly; Hillary is president<br>— Fred Brady, West Valley City
Hatch named official state fossil<br>— Dave Teal, Holladay
Lee’s Liquor replaces DABC<br>— James Luff, Salt Lake City
LeBron signs with Jazz, Karl Malone new head coach<br>— Kristeen Polhamus, Taylorsville
Tax bill to benefit Mexican immigrants<br>— Morrie Carlson, Sandy
Melania’s cyberbullying campaign successful: Trump stops tweeting<br>— Chris Call, Logan
Entire Trump family abducted by aliens<br>— Jeff Heyn, Salt Lake City
Utah demoted: Territorial Gov. Alfred E. Neuman in charge<br>— Mike DeKeyrel, Mt. Pleasant
Sex education is taught in all schools, beginning in elementary <br>— no parental permission required<br>— J.E. Haltinner, Holladay
Trump and Kim Jong Un resign<br>— Bruce Baird, Sandy
Trump owes millions in back taxes<br>— Jim Gibbons, Cottonwood Heights
Sen. Hatch accepts LDS mission call to North Korea<br>— Bob Greenwell, West Jordan