Dear Ann Cannon • I think my son and his wife are good parents to their 4-year-old-daughter. But I’m worried that they have her overprogrammed. Like, way overprogrammed. Not only does she go to preschool, but she also goes to dance lessons and music lessons. They even have her playing on a little soccer team, which she doesn’t seem to enjoy very much. Most of the time she stands in the middle of the field and cries. I want to tell them to back off and let her just be a kid. She’s only 4, for Pete’s sake! But my husband feels like I should stay out of it. What’s your opinion?
— Uneasy Granny
Dear Uneasy • I sometimes joke that while I was growing up during America’s reckless days when nobody wore seat belts, and mothers put their children out with the dog first thing in the morning and let them back into the house for dinner. Like most kids of my generation, I had a lot of freedom, as well as the opportunity to structure time for myself. I’m beyond grateful I had a childhood where the grown-ups weren’t orchestrating everything.
But times change. For good and bad, we’ve grown much more risk-averse as a society, and that has affected the way people parent now. Furthermore, today’s young mothers and fathers face different demands than you or I (or our parents before us) did. So while I get what you’re saying, I’m siding with your husband on this one. Don’t offer an opinion on your grandchild’s schedule unless your son or his wife asks for one — which means you shouldn’t hold your breath, although I have noticed that if you rarely offer unsolicited advice, people are more likely to ask you for it.
Oh, it’s just a big old crazy world we live in!
Meanwhile, you’ve noted that your son and his wife are good parents. That’s happy news! Not every grandparent can say that. So focus on the things they’re doing well and compliment them generously.
Dear Ann Cannon • Lately my husband has not been very agreeable when it comes to my modest book collection. While I seldom buy more than a dozen titles each week, my library has become quite crowded. I have bookshelves from floor to cathedral ceiling, and there is hardly half an inch left for even a paperback.
Last year he was quite agreeable and allowed me to move one collection onto shelves I had built in the dining room. Despite his concern, there really is plenty of space to squeeze through when walking between the shelves and dining table. And it gives the room such a wonderful aura.
We almost never use the furniture in the living room, especially the couch. Yet, each time I bring it up, my husband refuses to even listen to me as I describe how beautiful a full-wall shelving unit would look, how many books would fit on those shelves, and how the stylish benches I showed him would easily replace the unused couch.
What can I do to convince him how vital those living-room shelves are? He is also being a bit belligerent about a library annex in the basement rooms now that the kids have moved out. And when I brought up a spiral staircase from the upstairs library to the basement library annex, he vetoed it completely.
Please help!
— Shelfless in Sugar House
Dear Shelfless • Ummm, yeah. I’m going to take the advice I just gave to Uneasy Granny and stay out of this one. But hey! Good luck!
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