In Utah, there's one major theme
That every beehiver will dream:
The theme, I submit
is to comfort'bly sit
At the top of a pyramid scheme.
- Sam Beeson, American Fork
We've got skiing and church ball and hockey.
We've got redrock and slickrock and Rocky.
We like Jazz-on-a-roll
Our caffeine served cold.
And the Feds far from old Escalante.
- Paul Rawlins, Salt Lake City
There are some things that we find deplorin'
Like drinkin' and gamblin' and whorin'
And if you've got an ear
For a music career
It better be wholesome, like Orrin.
- Polly Light, Salt Lake City
The Prophet did recently say
To our members who think they are gay
If you act like a queer
You can't worship here
But we love you - Just not in that way.
- Rick Hough, Salt Lake City
There once was a fellow named Norman
Who annoyed both his boss and his foreman.
"You can't work on Sunday,
Or nights if it's Monday,
Don't tell me, you must be a . . . member of the dominant religion."
- Matthew Nickerson, Cedar City
Though politics leans heavily right-sided
The state is still much divided.
Not Gentile against Jew
It's Red vs. Blue.
But on deer-hunter orange we're united.
- Brent Bluth, South Jordan
In Provo a doctor told Sue
"I've wonderful news to give you
Your ninth child's on the way"
To which Sue shouted "Yay . . .
That's so cool since my mom's pregnant, too."
- Don Strassberg, Salt Lake City
It is not from a lack of good zoning
That perfection's not ours, thus the moaning.
The one little flaw
That sticks in our craw
Is the bite taken out by Wyoming.
- Peter Jensen, Salt Lake City
For speeding, Lake Bonneville's best.
Fast drivers all give it a test.
But no matter the pace,
They'll still lose the race
When casino-bound drivers head west.
- Joseph Ficklin, Provo
And since I have cavorted with The Little People for years, I have to submit my own:
To give Utah's image a shove
A slogan was sought from above.
It was a great brand,
spread throughout the land.
But then it was wrecked by "Big Love."
