The plan is to charge lobbyists a fee (amount to be announced) in exchange for five minutes alone with the GOP lawmaker or lawmakers of their choice. Now that's some way to work a room.
A few legislators found the concept tacky - a gauche ploy at payment for access. But caucus fundraiser Kat Dayton, who proposed the idea, described the goofy play on new millennium matchmaking as "kind of a common-man fundraiser for the common-man office." And Alexander, of Provo, said the evening would allow legislators and lobbyists to "get out of their comfort zone" and give new lawmakers a chance to meet key players in the process.
Why stop there? With a little creativity, the schmoozing possibilities among Capitol Hill power brokers seem endless. Perhaps a black-tie bachelor auction night? A Chippendale Dancer-style fundraiser, with male Repubs parading on stage in G-strings?
Or this: Personal dating ads - custom-written exchanges between lobbyists and legislators. After all, it's a cruel world out there, where lonely hearts with big political ambitions seek love, acceptance and true connection. Try these:
* BP (Big Player) in radioactive waste storage biz looking for Capitol access on all levels. Me: Slick operator in Tooele County selling a product safe enough to brush your teeth with. You: Politically pliable, with a certain kind of "glow," not terribly worried about tomorrow. Let's help build the Utah GNP together! Call me! Envirocare of Utah.
* RWWJR (Right-Wing West Jordan Republican) seeks eagle-eyed partner in morality-laced agenda. Me: Blustery, water carrier for my GOP colleagues. You: Gayle Ruzicka or reasonable facsimile. Let's meet for Diet Cokes and work on our list of "correct principles." Bring your knitting! Ask for Sen. Chris Buttars. (P.S. Only those with "intelligent designs" on my time need apply.)
* CGH (Capitol Glad Hander) representing humble natural gas giant would love a legislator for long walks, quiet dinners and ??? Will make it worth your while - Utah Jazz tickets guaranteed. How's your golf game? Free rounds in St. George on me. It's all here, baby! I've got my love to keep you warm. Call Questar Gas.
* SLL (Single Lonely Liberal) seeking open-minded, forgiving GOP for weighty discussions on global warming and the evils of Wal-Mart. If time allows, we'll talk about filling potholes and local zoning! Let's meet in a quiet, no-smoking piano bar. I'll pick up the tab! Reply to Ross "Rocky" Anderson.
* SMFL (Sandy's Mayor for Life) eager for "special sessions" with House speaker, Senate president, governor and Dave Checketts. Your expertise needed in shifting Salt Lake City and County funds my way. Love for major league soccer a plus. Is there a future for us? If yes, meet me in the plumbing aisle of Lowe's, or any big-box store of your choice (we have plenty to choose from and more on the way!). I'm tingling with anticipation, and I'm the real deal. For more details, call Tom Dolan.
Cold nights ahead; warm, cozy meetings among the rich and powerful in the air. It's a matchmaker's dream. It's all about love, people.
That, and understanding the "process."
hmullen@sltrib.com
