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Dixie Andersen remembers her daughter, Jeanie White, as a woman with two lives -- one before she met Brian Sebastian, and another after.
Before Sebastian, her mother said, White, 40, was rebuilding her life following a divorce. She was taking classes at Salt Lake Community College and wanted to become an occupational therapist assisting autistic children and adults. She took a job to develop her skills at a small therapy center in Magna.
Owner Robyn Anderson, a distant relative of White, called her a "natural" at the job. Under White's guidance, children who weren't speaking learned to play, speak and sing.
"Jeanie had a magical way of reaching those children," Andersen said.
That, Andersen says, is the Jeanie White she knew. Sweet, and loving.
When White left autism center last fall for Springville and a life with Sebastian, some of the kids cried for "Jean Jean," Andersen said.
She was killed Monday in Springville: Police say Sebastian, 46, shot and killed White then himself in their duplex earlier this week.
White was bi-polar, her mother said, and periodically dealt with depression but was never violent. Sebastian caused much of her depression in the two years they were together, Andersen said.
"He manipulated her from the time that they met," she said.
In the past few months, Andersen said, domestic violence in the relationship had escalated to an almost weekly altercation. A pattern
The family asked him to stay away from White numerous times, but Andersen said her daughter would always go back.
After one fight, White stayed with a girlfriend overnight, Andersen said. In 24 hours she received more than 120 texts from Sebastian, and went back to him. Andersen doesn't know what the texts said.
"She forgave anybody for anything," Andersen said. "She wanted to have a home, and a loving relationship there."
But Andersen thinks Sebastian was holding something else over her -- perhaps a threat to hurt family members -- that kept her coming back. Her daughter never told her.
Police arrested Sebastian in 2008 on suspicion of domestic violence assault and intoxication but court records show charges were not filed. The violence, Andersen said, continued.
After Sebastian was arrested and charged with simple assault in May involving domestic violence, he told police that night White frequently attacked him and he had finally retaliated. Andersen said she finds that impossible to believe. Her daughter was 5-foot-2 and didn't weigh much more than 100 pounds.
Sebastian pleaded not guilty, and the case was left pending.
After the May beating, Andersen said her daughter was covered with bruises and her face was almost unrecognizable. In court records, Sebastian called White "psychotic" -- a claim her mother also disputes.
"A person that can [help autistic children] wasn't psychotic," Andersen said. "She wasn't a threat to anyone."
Her ex-husband Kerry White also objected to Sebastian's assertions, saying she was never violent towards him during nearly 18 years of marriage.
"There was nothing psychotic about her," White said.
Police have said Sebastian left no note nor any other explanation for the deaths. He and White each suffered a single gunshot wound to the head, according to Springville police Lt. Dave Caron.
Nan Sebastian said earlier this week only that her family "loved" White but knew there were "ongoing problems in the relationship."
"This is just an incredibly tragic situation," Nan Sebastian said. "Both families are going through extraordinarily sad things."
Looking through pictures of her daughter this week, Andersen said she had a hard time finding any in which White didn't have a child on her lap. But White won't get to see her three daughters married, nor meet her grandchildren. That, Andersen says, is what saddens her most.
"He's taken all of that away," Andersen said.
The Utah Domestic Violence Council offered the following advice to family members of those in abusive relationships:
Do:
Contact the Utah Domestic Violence Council at 800-897-5465 for advice about options and literature.
Call police to conduct a welfare check on the victim when necessary.
Document the victim's stories of abuse and how often they occur so that record could be used in court.
Keep an open dialogue with the victim so she knows you are there to help.
Talk to the victim about contacting the Department of Child and Family Services if children are involved in the domestic situation. If the situation warrants it, a family member should get DCFS involved.
Visit or contact a domestic violence shelter in advance to learn about how to help execute a safety plan once the victim is ready to leave. Suggest to the victim that he or she meet in a safe place with a victim advocate for advice and help.
Don't
Try an intervention or rescue attempt of the victim. This could jeopardize the trust between the family and the victim and cause additional problems in the victim's home. Always talk to the victim first about such options.
Attempt to confront the abuser. This could also escalate the problem and add fuel to a dangerous situation.
Suggest to the victim that he or she buy a gun for protection. Abusers are often larger than their victims and could use the weapon against the victim.
