Flash! Aaaaa aaahhh!

Well, for the new Sci Fi series remake of the pulp science-fiction comic strip, it's more like Flash! Oooohhh Noooo!

This limp retelling of the classic outer-space tale is hardly the savior of the universe.

It's everything you don't want it to be and never what you want it to be. It's a boring, cheap, poorly acted hour of ill-conceived science-fiction television. I'll turn to other "Heroes" for my dose of whiz-bang entertainment.

The series debuts tonight at 7 on the Sci Fi cable network.

Eric Johnson ("Smallville") plays the dashing young all-American athlete "Flash" Gordon."

The series is populated with the same characters as the comic strip and movie serial: television reporter Dale Arden (Gina Holden), Dr. Hans Zarkov (Jody Racicot) and of course the villainous Ming the Merciless (John Ralston).

But the characters are not even pale representations of the true characters of the strip and movie serials. Zarkov especially is nothing but a socially inept wacko from the Geek Patrol.

Worst of all is the bland new Ming. Compared with the classic portrayal by Max Von Sydow in the campy 1980 movie, Ralston's version has no more flair than a slick-haired company CEO.

The travesty doesn't stop there.

Instead of using interstellar space travel to fly to Ming's home planet, Mongo - as did the Flash of the 1930s comic strip, the Buster Crabbe movie serials and the 1980 movie - this Flash uses conveniently placed time and space rifts on Earth to travel to the outreaches of the galaxy. That's right, there are no intergalactic cruisers, laser-blasting firefights on alien worlds or the twinkling stars of space - just a wavelike, rippling portal on the ground to move from one world to another. And most of the action in the first three episodes takes place on Earth.

The Sci Fi version of "Flash Gordon" is a weak, lifeless modern-day interpretation of a comic strip and movie serial that had pizazz and a sense of adventure. When it should be full of energy and scope, it's tired and small. When it's supposed to have personality and style, it's dull and straightforward.

This "Flash Gordon" is a case of no flash and no substance.

Try this instead: Not that there isn't good science fiction to be had on television.

ABC's "Master of Science Fiction" may be the diamond waiting to be found in a pile of summer manure. The show airs in the worst time slot of the week, Saturdays at 9 p.m., on KTVX Channel 4.

But I was stunned by the quality of the first episode, which aired last week. And I'm even more shocked that ABC has done absolutely nothing to promote the series.

Last week's premiere involved a psychiatrist (Judy Davis) and her patient (Sam Waterston) who suffers from short-term memory loss. The acting was superb, and the writing was crisp, with the story basically honed to a two-character play.

Three more episodes are to come, most of them based on stories by well-known science-fiction writers. But the production company made six (two will go straight to DVD). Why ABC has chosen not to push this series, a spinoff of the Showtime anthology "Masters of Horror," is beyond me.

So catch it while it lasts. In the depths of summer reality TV refuse, "Masters of Science Fiction" is a worthwhile find.

---

* VINCE HORIUCHI's column appears Mondays and Fridays. He can be reached at vince@sltrib.com or 801-257-8607.