This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2016, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

I recently wrote a column arguing that BYU was embarrassed by a student holding up a sign proclaiming "You can't say Mississippi without saying sissy" — and that message was seen on ESPN near the end of the Cougars' win over Mississippi State.

Despite the reaction to that column indicating otherwise, I did not write that Brigham Young University or the sign-maker was anti-gay. I did not indicate any indictment of BYU fans or the school as a whole.

It's a fact that the university is being scrutinized because of its lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender policies. ESPN and Sports Illustrated both reported that BYU became "toxic" to the Big 12 because more than two dozen LGBT groups opposed the Cougars' admission to that league. And those groups cited what they called BYU's "anti-gay policies."

Not getting into the Big 12 was a huge blow to Cougar athletics. And in that context, seeing that "sissy" sign on ESPN was a terrible optic.

Did I write that the student or BYU had malicious intent? Do I think that?

No and no.

I wrote that it was embarrassing. And I stand by that.

What I could have spelled out more clearly is that it came across as a symptom of how tone deaf BYU is to the LGBT community.

I happened to be at that game. My daughter pointed the sign out to me before the kickoff. It was waved frequently. I was startled to see it when I watched the ESPN coverage I had DVR'd.

That no one in the crowd or working at the game thought to suggest to the student that her sign could be interpreted as offensive further speaks to that LGBT tone deafness and provides ammunition to those who helped cast BYU as "toxic."

Yes, I've used the word myself. Four years ago, in response to a tweet from a friend about her son's health struggles, I tweeted, "Oh crap. Parenting is not for sissies."

I've apologized for that on Twitter. I'm apologizing again now. It doesn't matter that it was a tweet between friends; it doesn't matter what the context was. I regret it — and not just because, yes, it's embarrassing.

I regret it because it is wrong. Words matter. And "sissy" is a word that wounds.

I'm ashamed to admit that, in the past, I used an r-word sometimes used to describe a person with mental disabilities — which I've been called several times in the past few days. That's an incredibly hurtful word I've exorcised from my vocabulary.

Does it matter that I didn't mean to insult those with intellectual disabilities when I said it? Did my intent make it less offensive?

No and no.

Earlier this year, Monica Trasandes of GLAAD wrote, "The reality is that most of us grew up in a pretty homophobic and transphobic world, wherein it was thought normal and acceptable to make fun of LGBT people or use slurs. Whether it's 'that's so gay' or 'don't be a sissy' ... it's hurtful when you're part of the group being made fun of or put down."

When I was young, a lot of people I knew used the "f——t" gay slur. I'm proud that my daughters pivoted on a fan sitting behind them at a Real Salt Lake game and told him to stop yelling that insult at an opposing player.

In the past few days, many people have assured me they never thought of "sissy" as being a gay slur, but not one has mentioned a single instance in which the word was not used to insult, demean and belittle. Is that really something anyone wants to defend?

It isn't about being overly politically correct. It's about simple decency.