Derrick Gordon had kept his secret for too long.
He couldn’t be himself. He considered giving up the sport he loved. Because he was gay, he distanced himself from teammates.
"I was living life in shame," the UMass guard said in a telephone interview. "It took a toll on me."
Gordon became the first openly gay player in Division I men’s basketball on Wednesday, making the announcement on ESPN and Outsports. Now he hopes to inspire others in similar situations.
"It’s crazy that I’m the first," he told the AP. "I didn’t know that it would be this long, but if I’m the first, then I’ll start it off."
Previous announcements by NBA player Jason Collins and Missouri All-American defensive end Michael Sam made his decision easier. Gordon said he talked with Collins several times before making his announcement.
"There was a time that I didn’t want to play basketball anymore and that’s the worst feeling ever," he said. "Right now I’m happy. I’m free just to live my life."
Gordon was the Minutemen’s fourth-leading scorer with 9.4 points per game last season. UMass went 24-9 and reached the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1998. It lost its first game to Tennessee on March 21.
Nine days later Gordon told his parents, who have been supportive. The sophomore informed UMass coach Derek Kellogg the next day.
"He said it didn’t matter. He’s still going to love me for who I am," Gordon said. "He said ‘It just might make you play a lot better next season than you did last season.’ So we joked around a lot."
Two days later, he told his teammates at an emotional meeting. They, too, supported him.
Center Tyler Bergantino roomed with Gordon as freshmen.
"The fact that he’s gay doesn’t change anything," Bergantino said. "We didn’t know he was gay before. We know he’s gay now. But he’s the exact same person."
Gordon said some teammates at the Amherst, Mass., school probably have known since last summer. He sat out the previous season after transferring from Western Kentucky to be closer to his family in New Jersey, where he played at high school powerhouse St. Patrick.
"They could sense it because I kind of separated myself from the team," Gordon said. "I didn’t really hang out with them as far as going to parties and stuff. I really kind of kept to myself, kept quiet. We went on road trips — I’d sit by myself and they were always wondering why. I did it because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where maybe something happens and they end up finding out. Then what? I’m not going to know how to handle the situation."
Gordon held off making the announcement to keep from diverting attention from the NCAA tournaments, which ended Monday night for the men and Tuesday night for the women.
"I’ve been getting tons and tons of support," Gordon said. "I’m barely getting anything negative."
That may be coming, but he’s confident he can handle it.
"I’m not too concerned about any away games in terms of the crowd. I have a tough skin for that," he said. "They can say whatever they want."
During the year he sat out, he considered giving up the sport but changed his mind "just because I don’t want to feel like I can’t be myself because our society doesn’t accept it," Gordon said. "I want to be able to live my life happy and play the sport that I love."
And help others who haven’t come out.Next Page >
Copyright 2014 The Salt Lake Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.