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First down

Washington at Philadelphia, 11 a.m., Ch. 13 • Riley Cooper will surely breathe a sigh of relief knowing that his racial epithet will be only the second-most discussed involving these two teams. As for the game, there should be plenty of points as neither defense is anything to write home about. Unless your parents enjoy snail mail regarding crappy defenses.

Second down

San Diego at Miami, 2:05 p.m., Ch. 2 • Richie Incognito, Jonathan Martin, blah blah blah. I know bullying is an important topic, but I reached my saturation point about the time the Worldwide Leader reported their feud had devolved into texting my-cat-is-cuter-than-yours memes. Let's hope the Chargers run up a big lead, compelling CBS to switch to another game.

Third down

San Francisco at New Orleans, 2:25 p.m., Ch. 13 • Aldon Smith, Justin Smith, Patrick Willis, NaVorro Bowman, Carlos Rogers … San Francisco has an incredible defense. And yet, in the SuperDome against the Saints, I suspect they'll fare no better than the University of San Francisco football team's defense would. Were you aware USF does not field a football team? My point still stands.

Fourth down

Kansas City at Denver, 6:30 p.m., Ch. 5 • Though I derive equal enjoyment from the Broncos' prolific offense and the Chiefs' aggressive defense, I will concede a slight rooting preference for K.C., if only because the Chiefs remaining undefeated will make those champagne-swilling trolls from the 1972 Dolphins sweat it out another week.