Cincinnati at Chicago, 11 a.m., Ch. 2 • According to theonion.com, the new "Madden 25" video game includes the "return of [the] highly popular feature from last year's game that allows players to punch and kick Jay Cutler repeatedly after a sack." Good thing for the unpopular Cutler that doesn't apply to real life. Then again, maybe his offensive line is so porous for a reason.
Seattle at Carolina, 11 a.m., Ch. 13 • As a rookie, the Panthers' Cam Newton was considered the new prototype for quarterbacks. By the end of last season, he was considered surpassed by newer, shinier versions, such as the Seahawks' Russell Wilson. I suppose there are worse historical comparisons than flip-phones and grunge music, but that doesn't mean I'd want to be compared to either.
Green Bay at San Francisco, 2:25 p.m., Ch. 13 • Coach Jim Harbaugh's complaints that "biased" NFL rules will allow the Packers' defense to take shots at Colin Kaepernick seem both whiny and premature. Perhaps he should wait until Green Bay demonstrates an ability to even keep up with the read-option standout before suggesting they're roughing up the poor little guy.
N.Y. Giants at Dallas, 6:30 p.m., Ch. 5 • The talking heads will be sure to fixate on predictable and ultimately tangential topics including the size of AT&T Stadium, the size of AT&T's scoreboard, the quality Giants getting less attention than the craptastic Jets, and Dez Bryant's amazing catch that wasn't. Here's all you really need to know: If it's close, Tony Romo will find a way to screw it up.