Eric Walden: Happy Mother's Day â¦ you've been served
So, what did you get your mom for Mother's Day? Did you keep it simple with a nice, little cease-and-desist letter? Or did you go all-out with an injunction signed by a U.S. District Court judge?
Flowers again? Clearly you put a lot of thought into this.
And just as clearly, your family dynamics likely do not exactly mirror those of Kobe Bean Bryant and Pamela Cox Bryant.
Oh, there may be similarities â¦
For instance, it's entirely plausible your mom may have gotten rid of some of your old stuff taking up space in her house. It's also entirely plausible she did this without your knowledge, and therefore may have incurred your ire if said stuff held sentimental value to you.
I call B.S., though, on said stuff holding any actual monetary value like, say, an estimated $1.5 million, as appraised by a reputable auction house on account of you being one of the most famous basketball players on the planet.
So quit fixating on those shoeboxes of baseball cards; your six copies of a Topps 1989 Carney Lansford don't quite add up to a 1909 T206 Honus Wagner, so please let it go.
Glad we got that settled.
No one involved in this dispute, however, has settled anything.
On one hand, Pamela Bryant says she offered up 900 or so of Kobe's mementos including high school jerseys and trophies, an NBA championship ring, even a Teen Choice Awards surfboard because he told her he no longer wanted them.
On the other hand, Kobe Bryant says he only let her store the items away in a rental unit because she was renovating the room they used to be in, and he never gave them to her, let alone gave her permission to sell them to the highest bidder.
On still another hand, Goldin Auctions says it's unreasonable to expect them to cancel a scheduled auction, as they already fronted Pamela Bryant $450,000.
And on a fourth hand, according to ESPN.com, "A source told ESPN that Kobe Bryant offered to pay his mother up to $250,000 toward a home she wanted. She refused, saying she wanted $450,000. When Kobe Bryant turned her down, the source said that unbeknownst to Kobe Bryant she struck a deal to get the $450,000 advanced through the auction company."
Anyone else care to chime in? If we collect six hands, we get a Hindu goddess statue free with purchase.
Who knew Notorious B.I.G.'s posthumous 1997 hit "Mo Money Mo Problems" would evolve from merely another phat-beat hip-hop radio staple into such astute and prescient social commentary.
Whatever your family issues, I doubt your Sunday dinners are awkward on account of the table being filled with deposition lawyers and arbitrators attempting to negotiate an equitable division of assets.
Then again, maybe you enjoy a sordid squabble every now and again.
If so, skip the flowers next year. Why go for lilacs or lilies when you can deliver some legal documents instead?