First down

San Francisco at St. Louis

11 a.m., TV • Ch. 13

Reason to watch • Rams head coach Steve Spagnuolo called you up and made a personal plea for you to watch this game, as the only way he gets the Rams to overlook his 10-37 (soon to be 10-38) career record and not fire him is by getting every nfl fan in the world to watch this game and thus convince the team he is ratings gold. Though his motives are self-serving, you still appreciate that he took the time to call. Not every NFL head coach does.

Reason not to watch • You suspect your efforts will go for naught, and then it will have just been a colossal waste of time.

The line • San Fran. by 101/2.

The pick • San Francisco. If you do the math, 10-38 works out to a .208 winning percentage.

Second down

N.Y. Jets at Miami

11 a.m., TV • Ch. 2

Reason to watch • You heard Jason Taylor was retiring after this game. And while you don't know much about football, you did love his performances on "Dancing With the Stars." Big guy sure can pirouette!

Reason not to watch • Damon Huard. Jay Fiedler. Ray Lucas. Brian Griese. A.J. Feeley. Sage Rosenfels. Gus Frerotte. Joey Harrington. Daunte Culpepper. Cleo Lemon. Trent Green. John Beck. Chad Pennington. Chad Henne. Tyler Thigpen. Matt Moore. But not Andrew Luck. Hope you're happy with those five wins. Dumb.

The line • Miami by 3.

The pick • N.Y. Jets. On the one hand, Mark Sanchez is no Dan Marino. On the other, he's no Matt Moore, either.

Third down

Kansas City at Denver

2:15 p.m., TV • Ch. 2

Reason to watch • As Ted "Theodore" Logan astutely noted in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure": "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." Circle K in this case is Denver. You don't get stranger things afoot than the Broncos ditching Kyle Orton to dive headlong into Tebowmania, succeeding initially only to subsequently struggle, then finding themselves on the precipice of the playoffs, only to discover Orton standing in their way. Whoa!

Reason not to watch • Did you miss the part where I informed you strange things are afoot?

The line • Denver by 3.

The pick • Kansas City. If the "Broncos" were the "Wyld Stallyns" perhaps I'd reconsider, but there's too much karma at work here.

Fourth down

Tampa Bay at Atlanta

2:15 p.m., TV • Ch. 13

Reason to watch • Between flu season and the wretched inversion, you've had cause to hit the Benadryl hard lately. Perhaps a bit too hard, even. And perhaps in your pseudo-intoxicated state you've managed to hallucinate the Buccaneers into a team that doesn't suck and the Falcons into a team that actually has a chance to do something in the playoffs.

Reason not to watch • You've sobered up and remembered that ATL got worked over by New Orleans last week and that the Bucs are a far inferior source of "Pirate"-themed viewing than anything with Johnny Depp in it.

The line • Atlanta by 111/2.

The pick • Atlanta. Because Tampa just isn't very good, love. Savvy?

Second first down

Dallas at N.Y. Giants

6:20 p.m., TV • Ch. 5

Reason to watch • The Cowboys do dumb things like icing their own kicker. The Giants do dumb things like losing to the Redskins … twice … in one season. Like the strangest Internet hoax of the past two weeks involving Jon Bon Jovi, both of these teams' playoff chances were once rumored to be dead. Yet here they are with the playoffs on the line.

Reason not to watch • The realization that people are talking about Jon Bon Jovi even though it's decidedly NOT 1988 anymore has left you far too dumbfounded to even consider watching a football game.

The line • N.Y. Giants by 3.

The pick • N.Y. Giants. They're not playing the Redskins, so they should be good to go.

Around the league

Chicago at Minnesota, 11 a.m. • Roughly 94 percent of these teams' good players are on Injured Reserve. I tore my ACL just writing about it.

Carolina at New Orleans, 11 a.m. • Think the Dolphins regret signing Daunte Culpepper instead of Drew Brees? Little bit? He's pretty good.

Detroit at Green Bay, 11 a.m. • Finally … I thought I'd never get to see Matt Flynn play.

Tennessee at Houston, 11 a.m. • The list of scenarios the Titans need to go their way for a wild card spot is longer than War and Peace.

Buffalo at New England, 11 a.m. • Pretty sure Tom Brady could throw lefty — injured shoulder and all — and still torch the Bills this time.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville, 11 a.m. • You play to win the game, blah, blah blah … Don't overthink it. Just take the No. 1 pick, OK?

Washington at Philadelphia, 11 a.m. • Eagles' too-late surge doesn't change the fact that they're the biggest flop since "Waterworld."

San Diego at Oakland, 2:15 p.m. • Not likely to be a work of art. In fact, considering the QBs involved and the turnovers they bring with them, it should be about as pretty as Marv Albert in drag. Yes!

Seattle at Arizona, 2:15 p.m. • Can the Cards make it all the way back to 8-8? … Who cares?!

Baltimore at Cincinnati, 2:15 p.m. • If Cincy makes the playoffs, I demand the return of the Ickey Shuffle!

Pittsburgh at Cleveland, 2:15 p.m. • James Harrison in your vicinity? Follow the advice of those 1950s instructional videos on Soviet nuclear attacks — duck … and cover.

Last week • 2-2

Overall • 44-20