This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2013, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
Re the National Security Agency's spy program ("NSA's program for surveillance survives first post-leak vote in Congress," Tribune, July 25):
To the NSA: I am sorry to hear that you are the target of much unjustified criticism for your efforts to keep our country safe. In order to spare your supercomputers unnecessary strain, save energy and mitigate global warming, I am herewith providing my phone number (555-4321) and waiving any right to keep you from monitoring my phone calls.
Please feel free to monitor to your heart's content. Mostly I just talk with my grandchildren and, as far as I know, none is a terrorist. (However, they do go through a phase at about 2-and-a-half years of age when one might possibly wonder.)
In exchange, may I ask just one small favor? Would you please look through your metadata and see if you can locate the source of the many nuisance calls that I receive each day? For some reason, they all have ready access to my personal information, even if you do not. I guess that they are just better at finding needles in haystacks.
If you are able to locate the source of the nuisance calls, please dispatch a drone to eliminate the threat. I hope that this is not too much to ask.
I remain yours respectfully,
Grant W. Mason
Orem