Get breaking news alerts via email

Click here to manage your alerts
Crybaby secessionists
This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2012, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

As President Barack Obama basks in electoral victory, patriots in all 50 states have filed online petitions to secede from the country they claim to love so very much. Hmm … this just seems too easy. What if we call their bluff?

Let's set aside a region just for them that would be considered sovereign and autonomous. Texas might work; there are already so many secessionists there.

There, they will be free to conduct affairs and pass legislation they deem appropriate. They can abolish all income taxes, outlaw abortion, teach what they want and cut what waste they want.

But they will get no federal taxpayer monies, no Medicare, Medicaid or Social Security. No federal loans, postal service, educational subsidies or military bases.

They must raise their own revenue, fund their own schools and take care of their sick, unemployed and elderly. And when a river floods or a hurricane strikes, it's entirely their problem.

Enjoy your new country, crybabies. Oh, don't let the door hit you on your way out.

Susan Christensen

Salt Lake City

Article Tools

 Print Friendly
  • Search Obituaries
  • Place an Obituary

  • Search Cars
  • Search Homes
  • Search Jobs
  • Search Marketplace
  • Search Legal Notices

  • Other Services
  • Advertise With Us
  • Subscribe to the Newspaper
  • Access your e-Edition
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Contact a newsroom staff member
  • Access the Trib Archives
  • Privacy Policy
  • Missing your paper? Need to place your paper on vacation hold? For this and any other subscription related needs, click here or call 801.204.6100.